Dear SM -with a wave to Grandy~
Unlearning the protective habits of a lifetime may seem a daunting task, until one gets to realize the majority of those habits might well be good ones anyway. Take your method of offering a disclosure once and then seeing what the recipient does.
It's an interaction between two people and you have made the first move. As an adult human being they are equally responsible for making that interaction work. If they don't - and there is not acceptable reason why not - then your approach is probably the best there is anyway.
Take another, as a reticent person you probably would not air your circumstances to many, but you gave full measure to Dotti, a kind act overriding perhaps a previous wall.
Your description of that therapy as "monkey see monkey do" is amusing, but for everyone is close to the truth. Just about everything is learned, it's just the therapy is a bit more formal.
I would guess the important bit is how one overlays and steers ones behavior according to one's beliefs, and this is where old habits can change. Take kindness. When before going out might have been a daunting task to be avoided at all costs, now as the pressure lessens going out to help a family member might take over, and so it goes.
As one adds in the things one likes doing and start to feel self reward is natural and not selfishness then ones sphere of actions expands further.
I'm not trying to give a complete answer - who could - but look inside myself for a few fragments - dunno if it makes much sense
Croix
