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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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ghare How do you deal with change?
  • replies: 1

Does anyone else out there have a hard time sometimes dealing with change? e.g., change in routine? How do you cope with it?

Does anyone else out there have a hard time sometimes dealing with change? e.g., change in routine? How do you cope with it?

AndrewP Overcoming Social Anxiety and Developing Self-Love
  • replies: 12

In this western world we live in there comes a lot of social pressures. What you should wear, how you should act, what job you should have, what you should study, where you should be life, and even views that you should have. All of these SHOULDS hav... View more

In this western world we live in there comes a lot of social pressures. What you should wear, how you should act, what job you should have, what you should study, where you should be life, and even views that you should have. All of these SHOULDS have a massive impact on us, so much so that they can take us away from who we really are in essence and create a whole lot of anxiety along the way. Have the courage to take yourself away from the SHOULDS and do what you WANT to do, be who you WANT to be, in fact more to the point be WHO YOU ARE. We have fears which drive our beliefs and affect our behaviours. There are 3 UNIVERSAL FEARS. FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH/BEING FOUND OUT FEAR OF NOT BELONGING FEAR OF NOT BEING LOVED The fear that comes with being WHO YOU ARE goes something like; "If I were to simply be myself, would I beloved, would I belong, would I be accepted? I can tell you that the answer is YES! When we meet someone who is living authentically and being true to themselves we find that we are drawn to these people because they give off such an energy of certainty if self and confidence. They don't turn it up for anyone or turn it down for anyone, they simply be who they are and are loved for that. One of the main reasons why we are drawn to such people is because it takes courage to put yourself out there and be who you are. I can tell you that once you experience embracing the vulnerability of being who you are you will have significant changes in your life. Some steps to take in moving forward. Ask yourself some great questions like: Who is it that I THINK I NEED to be in this world to be loved, belong and accepted? When I get anxious what is it that I'm actually worried about? (Get specific) Who do I want to be in this world? Who am I? What qualities do I love about others? (you will find you posses some of these qualities yourself) When asking these questions it is important to be 100% honest with yourself, even if you don't like the answer. Don't answer how you'd like it to sound, how you think it should sound, or how you want it to be.. answer it HOW IT IS! Develop Self-Love - look at all the positive qualities about yourself and really love them. Show yourself some compassion and give yourself a break. We are all perfectly imperfect in this world. Develop Self-Trust - Trust who you are and know that you will live true to yourself I have so much more so share guys so please ask questions

TAnnetta When there is no light in sight.
  • replies: 19

Are you in a dark place with only thoughts of failure and maybe of dying? Well know this; You are not alone! Everyone fails at some time or other and everything dies eventually. SO WHAT?!. Life is part of an eternal education. Negative thoughts are a... View more

Are you in a dark place with only thoughts of failure and maybe of dying? Well know this; You are not alone! Everyone fails at some time or other and everything dies eventually. SO WHAT?!. Life is part of an eternal education. Negative thoughts are a part of that education. Take whatever time you need to have negative thoughts but remember, they are just a part of a whole. There is only one thing that continues forever and that thing is change. Rekindle the positives of your past. Goals are what made you move forward before and they can do so again. Look for new goals. One goal could be for you to find the person who understands you. The universe has a positive balance for every negative. Make it your goal to find yours!

Georgiana A better self, everyday
  • replies: 4

Today is my second birthday. Two years ago, after years of battling depression at the point of suicide, I reached a pivotal moment in life where everything I knew came crashing down around me and I began to see life in a new light. I was at the darke... View more

Today is my second birthday. Two years ago, after years of battling depression at the point of suicide, I reached a pivotal moment in life where everything I knew came crashing down around me and I began to see life in a new light. I was at the darkest place on earth when my friends reached the point where they could no longer handle the trauma of being my friend. I will be forever sorry to them for the pain I caused them and the stress I put them through. But I will also be forever proud of myself for pulling myself out of the darkness. While it may have been the single most painful experience of my life, it was also the greatest learning experience of my life. I am a better person because of it. I still experience periods of anxiety and depression but I have developed the tools to properly deal with those feelings. I understand now the importance of being honest about how I am feeling and seeking help when it is needed. I have learnt to value every person I meet in this world and treasure every relationship I have. I have learnt to be grateful for the gifts and talents I posses. I have learnt that in order to make the most of life I have to seek and seize opportunity. The world will not give itself to me. I will lose friends, but I will make friends. I will win and I will lose. Succeed and fail. This is the natural course of life. My job, and everyone’s job, is to take each experience and grow from it to become the best possible version of oneself. And I can honestly say, that at the ripe old age of 2 years old, I am the best person I have ever been.

JessF No one cares - your first mistake
  • replies: 7

For those of us crippled by panic and social anxiety: NO ONE CARES. Let me explain what I mean by outlining just one common scenario: Walking into a room and feeling all eyes are on you. NO ONE CARES. At the very least, not as much as you do. For you... View more

For those of us crippled by panic and social anxiety: NO ONE CARES. Let me explain what I mean by outlining just one common scenario: Walking into a room and feeling all eyes are on you. NO ONE CARES. At the very least, not as much as you do. For you, this is a life or death situation. For the others, they barely know you exist, apart from as a breathing blob of humanoid that happens to be in the vicinity. Each is lost in their own thoughts: whether their wife has asked them to get milk or bread on the way home, feeling tired because of a crappy day at work, feeling slightly off because they ate too much at lunch, feeling hungry because they skipped lunch, or mentally daydreaming about what they're going to be doing next weekend. Just as you are wrapped up in your little world, so too is everyone else. They know nothing about you - and they won't care to know unless it directly affects them. This may seem like a cold, cynical way of thinking, but I see it more as a splash of cold water to the face for anxious. To allow yourself to be controlled by panic in this way is to assume that you are more important than everyone else. What do you think?

Rals Regular 31yo Melb married male looking for cool people to chat to online about anything, MAKE FRIENDS take over the world and eat pie.................
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone! I find myself pretty bored far to often these days. I've had some serious depression come and go. These days everythings pretty under control in that area, but it always likes to creep up behind me when I least expect it. I just need to ... View more

Hi everyone! I find myself pretty bored far to often these days. I've had some serious depression come and go. These days everythings pretty under control in that area, but it always likes to creep up behind me when I least expect it. I just need to probably get out more, and get on top of the hundred other things I've yet to put a ounce of effort into. I'm regular enough. Interests have dwindled a little, but I still have a small passion for retro gaming, mainly anything sega. I enjoy doing weights and boxing, although I havn't ever been overly consistent in doing either. When I eventually have some spare cash, I'm pretty keen to get an xbox one, ps4 or wii U. I do web and graphic design here and there also which is enjoyable in some ways. I definitely like business and thinking ideas to make money too. New show on tv, SHARK TANK is pretty entertaining if you havnt watched it already! If theres any people out there that wouldnt mind a chat, possibly looking to make friends or anything, I'm interested in talking with people from all walks of life. Look forward to hearing from others out there! All the best!Rals

white knight Can you force people?
  • replies: 3

We humans can do many things. But when it comes to others we are limited. People have rights. If they do not want to do a certain thing/chore/task then they really dont have to- end of story. Then again there is some middle ground. For example- oblig... View more

We humans can do many things. But when it comes to others we are limited. People have rights. If they do not want to do a certain thing/chore/task then they really dont have to- end of story. Then again there is some middle ground. For example- obligations? When you marry your fiancée do you know him/her well enough to know that he/she will fulfil their obligations. And often enough these obligations are based on what you believe the obligations should be...not necessarily what THEY think they should be. A sure conflict emerges. What follows is often control. The one that feels the other is lazy or doesnt fulfil those basic obligations will often try to enforce them. The yelling commences. What if the one being forced doesnt have the capacity to fulfil such basic obligations...what we could label in this thread 'normal' obligations.? By "capacity" I mean someone that hasnt had an upbringing that taught him/her the basics of living eg cleaning, hygiene, money management, punctuality, self discipline etc. But I see a clear issue here. These people with limited capacity are now adults and adults can be stubborn and have often passed their learning phase. They live how they know how to live and if they have a bossy controlling spouse, wanting to change them...its a huge task to do so. What if this person has the capacity but is just lazy? Perhaps him/her is happy to allow their hard working spouse to carry the bulk of the chores and others things? I'd suggest that this situation is equally hard to face and work out. So, we have one with a possible mental illness. I'd broaden this to alcohol issues, gambling and the like. How difficult it would be to try to get this person to obtain help is riddled within the pages of this forum with people desperate to find a way to get them to accept they have a problem. Spouses, friends or family are often left helpless as this person refuses help for a variety of reasons from stubbornness to stigma and everything in between.Lets face it, if this person has absolutely nothing mentally wrong with themselves why wouldnt they agree to seek a medical assessment to prove everyone wrong? The fact is we can lead a horse to water but we cant make them drink.It's an accurate saying and one some will need to admit to themselves. After all has been tried and avenues exhausted be proud that you did everything in your power to get that person you love to seek help. Then preserve your own health and accept it !!..that you couldnt make them drink.

CrashCoyote DOG, a New Years resolution;
  • replies: 75

Hi everyone, I have made many new years resolutions over the years, I think I've resolved to lose weight for the last twenty odd! My target this year is alcohol, so I am seeing how many Days Off Grog I can have. I started on NYE day so will have comp... View more

Hi everyone, I have made many new years resolutions over the years, I think I've resolved to lose weight for the last twenty odd! My target this year is alcohol, so I am seeing how many Days Off Grog I can have. I started on NYE day so will have completed sixteen by the end of the fifteenth. Is anyone doing this? If you want to do it with me, just post your number of days. Anything else is optional. Kind regards, John.

white knight When emotions take over logic
  • replies: 3

Awareness or insight are valuable things to have. Some people with mental illness have no insight to their behaviour and their actions. Humans, regardless whether they have mental illness or not commonly display periods in their life whereby emotions... View more

Awareness or insight are valuable things to have. Some people with mental illness have no insight to their behaviour and their actions. Humans, regardless whether they have mental illness or not commonly display periods in their life whereby emotions overtake logic. You can observe this often. At work, in the street, with family. Someone gets upset and no amount of calming or injection of logic seems to make a difference. They are in a "state" as we say. In a "lather". Made worse with alcohol I must suggest. If we are aware of how potent our emotions can be on our thinking and therefore our actions then perhaps we can introduce a plan to self instruct ourselves. A u-turn of reactions. There is no magic method. It's all about awareness. That your thoughts are not as logical as they would be without your emotions taking over. A clear example for me was some comments my mother used to make under high emotion (I'm estranged from her and I believe she has cronic BPD). Normal logic comment "The frost got my tomatoes but the other vegies might survive ok" Under emotion "Oh, the frost got my tomatoes....I might as well pull out all the vegetable garden and start again. I'm a useless gardener". Now I acknowledge the above is riddled with other mental illness issues but you get my meaning that her behaviour under emotional "control" is vastly different, more negative, a greater impact upon family members. My mother had no insight and was never easily approachable as she took the most tactfully put comments as a threat. Terror resulted (when we were kids) or alienation or all out war pursued when we entered adulthood. Also ramifications on family members or friends would continue. My dear old dad would likely rip up all the vegie patch following her emotional outburst. Then once she settled and logic returned she'd tell him "you shouldnt have listened to me". Now admittedly that example is from someone that has a swinging mood issue that required treatment. But often some of us live in a world of extremes. So what can you do? Of course always consult your doctor if you are aware of your emotional instability or you are told so. Often we have to rely on others to tell us if our behaviour is not stable be it mood, rapid pace of speech or other symptom. Take others observations seriously and not personally. That isnt easy but remember- it isnt easy for them either. Everyone just wants us to be as well as we can be. It's their way of loving us. Love them back by listening.

JessF Is low self-esteem really a problem?
  • replies: 5

Now this may ruffle a few feathers, so I want to start by saying that what I’m about to write does not apply for people who have been abused or belittled throughout their lives and have come to have a very false sense of their true value as a person.... View more

Now this may ruffle a few feathers, so I want to start by saying that what I’m about to write does not apply for people who have been abused or belittled throughout their lives and have come to have a very false sense of their true value as a person. Most of us with depression, thankfully, do not have these terrible traumas to have copied with but are depressed nonetheless. So with that caveat out the way…If you could boil your depression down to a single thought, that single thought is often ‘I feel bad about myself’. My question is, should we feel good about ourselves all the time? Are we entitled to? I don’t believe we are. Emotions such as guilt and regret can have very valid underpinnings, and can be a pause for us to reflect and ask ourselves, if I am feeling bad about myself, why is this, and most importantly…is there anything I can do to change things? Sometimes I think that simply accepting the phrase ‘I have low self-esteem’ can be an excuse for us not to make the changes in our lives that we need to make. And this is also why when we are feeling low about ourselves, that having well meaning friends tell us the opposite has very little effect. And if we ever were to truly believe these glowing compliments about ourselves, then we would be dangerous narcissists. Don’t you think that accepting yourself, warts and all, is more likely to help you stay well than an unwavering belief that you a wonderful person?