There are numerous things in life whereby we can suffer embarrassment. Embarrassment fuels anxiety and depression, a trigger as such in some of us.
The written word is one that can be difficult to control with assuming this or that. For example
“Farms that are presumably in drought areas often, perhaps should be considered not viable from a Govt viewpoint”
If someone said those words in any Australian wide forum they might be in for an avalanche of rebutting from farmers and many others that support our land workers. However if we focus on the content of the sentence, it becomes a different matter. The word “presumably” then that is a flexible area of farming location. Those that attack such a sentence don’t know exactly where the farm is that he/she is talking about.
The word “often” means not all the time so people cant pin down the authors timeframe. It could be 100 years ago.
The words “not viable” rules out all viable and financially successful farms.
“Govt viewpoint” is not the authors viewpoint. The author is making a suggestion.
So the onslaught from readers begins and the attack is all to do with emotion of how dare the author not support farmers. Yet the author might well be supporting farmers, could be a farmer himself, just not supporting unviable ones that the Govt perhaps should consider less fundable.
This “trap” is common on the internet. It takes some people 10-20 years of learning the hard way to word their debate in a way that excuses them of any verbal attack and accusation. I’m guilty of assuming also. It’s easy to do and harder to apologise for.
But even when one explains what one really feels and clarifies what is said the onslaught will likely continue. This “win at all costs” is common now and it is hard for some to walk away giving the other the last say, to be suppressed. I’ve experienced this myself.
So its important for our mental well being to minimalise conflict and one way to do that is to read carefully what is being said and not assume too much at the beginning. Stay calm and try to throw in a joke now and then to lighten up the mood.
Remember, there is passionate people out there. Their beliefs are set in stone. You aren’t going to change their views overnight and why desire to change them? Express your disagreement but allow them their thoughts.
As the late Peter Brock once said “My thoughts are personal, they are mine and mine alone and no one else has a right to them” (paraphrasing)
Ditto.
Tony WK
