ASK JAY - Q&A for alcohol, drugs, gambling and addiction issues NOW CLOSED

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This a new thread we're opening up to discuss alcohol, drugs, gambling and addiction issues. Here to answer your questions is Jay Jaggard, beyondblue's clinical adviser and project manager of suicide prevention.

Jay has a social work background – her career spans 20 years working in alcohol and other drug, mental health and gambling in clinical, policy and management roles – harm reduction and supporting people to live their best possible lives are at the heart of everything she does.

She has lived and worked in a range of places that contain some seriously scary wildlife including Perth (great whites), Darwin (crocs, box jellyfish) and Melbourne (Collingwood supporters).

Jay will be here for a live Q&A launch of this thread on Tuesday 12 December between 12:30pm and 1:30pm, please come back then to post your questions.

After that, we will be leaving this thread open for you to post your questions to Jay, and she'll be able to get back to you here on the forums within 24-48 hours in between her other work commitments.

[Ask_Jay]

Hi Croix that’s a very good question – half the battle is in the partner recognising that there is an issue – so if the partner wants to address it, that’s excellent! I would advise that they have a look at counselling online (https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/) for links to state based services. They can also use email/message/forums for counselling and self help and that would be a good first step. The other thing is to make sure that you (or whoever is asking the question) gets support because being a carer or support provider can be tricky and challenging.

[Chris_B]

Following up on your point about half the battle recognising that there's an issue - another common story on the forum is living with someone, a spouse or a family member, who has addiction issues but either refuses to seek help or acknowledge that there is a problem. What do you advise for people who find themselves in this kind of situation?

[Ask_Jay]

Hi Chris – following up on my reply to Croix, there’s not much you can do if a person doesn’t recognise that there is an issue – and even if it isn’t an issue for them it may well be a problem for their partner or loved ones. I would respectfully raise the issue with the person, letting them know that you think it’s an issue and giving them information about counselling and/or treatment options. It’s up to them whether they take that on board and seek help. That then leaves the loved ones in the tricky position of thinking about whether it’s something that they are able to cope with. I would always advise seeking support to discuss the issues with a professional counsellor and deciding how you want to deal with the issues going forward.

[Chris_B]

For those people who have taken that next step of seeking support, recovery groups are a common trope on TV and in the movies. Can you tell us a bit about your experience with them, and what really goes on there? How long do people attend recovery groups for?

[Ask_Jay]

There are all kinds of groups you can access for support – from self help (AA/NA) to therapeutic groups run by services focussed on recovery and treatment.
NA (narcotics anonymous) and AA (alcoholics anonymous) are the most common self help groups – commonly referred to as “12 step” groups. 12 step groups are based on an abstinence model with people being rewarded with pins for the number of days/months/years they are clean (abstinent). People can attend these for as long as they want and they are open to anyone who identifies that they have a problem with alcohol or drugs. 12 step groups are not for everyone, but like anything, use what works for you.

Therapeutic groups are based on models like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and are focussed on recognising patterns of behaviour and thinking in order to effect change. They can be open (anyone can attend) or closed (a set number of people attend the group for a fixed period of time). I hope that answers your question!

[Chris_B]

How do you encourage people to not give up hope when a relapse occurs?

[Croix]

Thanks Jay,

You mentioned abstinence a moment ago, do you think it is reasonable to expect a partner to stop drinking entirely if it is has been a long-standing thing with heavy drinking every day, or just cut down? Also should one try to stop drinking oneself to have less alcohol around the house?

Croix

[Ask_Jay]

Great question! I think people place a lot of pressure on themselves to stay sober/clean and not relapse – but relapse is part of the process. If you’ve even given up smoking you will know that it often takes numerous attempts before you manage to finally quit – and in some cases, you just keep quitting! This is because relapse is part of the learning process – every time you relapse you learn something else about your patterns and triggers that helps you in your journey. So don't give up on quitting 🙂

[Ask_Jay]

Hi Croix
I think your question is interesting in that you really have to think about what is ok for you and what you can deal with. If it’s that you want your partner to stop drinking or cut down, they are both reasonable things to ask for – but your partner may not be able to meet your needs.
Your partner needs to set realistic goals that they feel they can achieve and these may not align with what you want.
In answer to the second part of your question, if having alcohol in the house/drinking around them is one of their triggers, you may both agree that it’s better if you don’t have alcohol in the house or drink around one another.
Again these are things you probably need to nut out with some assistance from a counsellor.

[Chris_B]

Thanks Jay. Not everyone who uses substances, drinks alcohol or gambles will become addicted. Why is it that some people go on to become addicted and others don't?