Hi Jo,
I am very flattered by your praise but should tell you that I was a NSW policeman for thirty years and, unlike the media stereotypes, typical of my colleagues that often neglect their own interests and loved ones for the wider community. Ask my ex wife!
In any case, I have always cared for the weak and vulnerable (like most emergency service workers, I'm not special) and when most of your daily interactions are with people that are struggling emotionally, mentally or both, you get pretty perceptive.
The drinking won't make the pain go away. Just keep it at bay for a while. I often hear it said that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I always reply, "What? Like a heart attack?" Psychological pain, I believe, just shapes who we are. It is the price we pay for putting ourselves out there. For loving. I would never trade a second of the love I have had in my life that succeeded for all the pain I have felt. In a way, I see it like other mutual experiences. How can we know happy without knowing sad? Winning without losing?
For what it is worth, I get tired of the pain sometimes, too. I don't beat myself up for seeking refuge in alcohol (although as I get older I worry more about the physiological consequences - I've drank a lot in my life) but I don't delude myself into believing I can stall the pain forever. It is just nice to have times that don't hurt.
Anyway, thank you again for your comments. I am genuinely flattered. I look forward to your next post.
Kind regards, John.
P.S. By the way, if I may ask, why do you hurt?
