Adapt to life after depression

[dy385]

Hello!

Background: I’ve been through endogenous depression for 10 year (I call it my inner Odyssey for that) and than I got a whole year of apathy – because nerves were hurt after dealing with traumas.And now finally it’s over. And I don’t know how I feel.I always thought I will be happy immediately after dp is over. But I am not.I feel a lot of space in my heart and in my mind after dark thoughts and emotions left. But positive stuff isn’t just streaming down to feel this space like I’ve imagined.I feel empty. At first I even felt paralized – facing the world as a healthy person again. Much more responsibility, much more opportunities. So little confidence and experience.

Now I’ve made a plan, a technique to keep me moving. I’ve set some good goals. And I manage to move. But it’s like 2 steps forward – 1 step back. And I’m often afraid that I’ll never get to the speed of life again. That I’ll never become energetic, successful, never feel the drive which I dreamed of through my whole Odyssey with dp.

Question: Is adaptation to life always so slow after depression? Does anybody have experience? Is there a way to speed up reconnection with life? Any advice?For those still in dp: hold on, it’s not for nothing. I know, I’ve been there. It’s not immediately all-happy after, but it’s much better. And getting better step by step. May the Force be with you )

 Thank you

[white knight]

Hi dy385, welcome to beyond blue forums

Many of us here have got depression and few of us have the hope it will ever be beaten. Rather manage to the best of our ability. Two steps forward and one step back is progress. However slow....doesnt matter.

Your goals are great - real positive.  But recent research found that if your goals are unrealistic (for you) than false hope and failing to fullfill those goals can throw you back into depression so just keep that in mind and keep your goals achievable dy.

Experience, like young people face is hard. There is no substitute. You just have to learn things and face the challenges. Worry is non productive. Worry doesnt produce a thing except wasted thoughts.

So keep on the way you are going and live life happily. With the knowledge you have and what you are still learning....you'll be ok.

Tony   WK

[dy385]

I understand, such experience is rare. So be it, it was much tougher )

For those in dp - may the Force be with you )

Thank you.

[geoff]

dear Dy,' Is adaptation to life always so slow after depression', well yes and no, but what happens when we are in depression is that our then current situation is embroiled in what we are depressed about, because we link everything in how we feel, so what I found out myself is that once I was through the wringer and out the other side, that is, had overcome it, which I will explain a bit more later, I had completely changed what I do, what I now like to do, and what I am interested in now, so I have done a full circle.

I couldn't go back to what I had done before, because I would have just fallen back into depression, because it had caused it before, and no matter how strong I was I couldn't fight it again and certainly didn't want to.

This is part of developing my experience, but then everyone is different, but if any issues from the past comes up I avoid them.

This other issue that when we have overcome depression, well we never really do, because our minds are quite sensitive and can pick up any idiosyncrasies and this never leaves us, so once we have it then it stays with us, but it won't stop us from living a life that suits us, which is now normal to us.

We develop another strength, so we can build on this, and still forge ahead, but always looking over our shoulder. Geoff.

[gmc]

Dear Dy,

You message was really emotional to me. I have been dealing with depression for four years now and before that I think my depression was latent, but was there waiting to manifest. I don't know how to answer your question, but I this re-adaptation takes a while, so recovery is a bit slow - I think.

I experience other kind of recovery. I do feel empty, but I have always had the feeling that work is to keep me busy, so I do whatever not to feel empty as you described. But the way a feel is funny - I don't know how to enjoy being happy and the joy of living and small moments and things that make you feel better.

What Tony and Geoff wrote before me is strong advice. I don't know what else to write more. What I can say is that you keep on with the good work 🙂

gmc

[Asche]

Oh man, dy so much of what yo're saying is so familiar. I'm in a pretty similar boat at the moment as well; emerging out of the abyss after spending years fumbling in the dark, only to be blinded by the unaccustomed light and end up fumbling once more, only you're even more uncoordinated than before because at least you had time to get used to the darkness. I'm seldom racked with senseless pain these days, but my years of depression have left me dealing with a legacy of anxiety, ineptitude and fear. Turns out shutting people (and everything else) out of your life for 10 years has a pretty bad impact on your social skills. And everything else. Particularly when they weren't altogether developed in the first place.

Nowadays I feel like I'm playing a perpetual game of catchup with my peers trying to make up for wasted time. Never sure of when I'm reading too much into something or reading into it too little. Never comprehending the nuances of a situation because I'm too busy internally panicking over not seeming "weird" or "off"...and so failing in that very endeavour. Turning down opportunities that I desperately need because I'm scared of screwing up and looking dumb...and so ensuring my own continued stupidity. What's more, the anhedonia hasn't really lifted, so it's already difficult enough to work up the motivation to do things in the first place, anxiety issues notwithstanding. But I'm still feeling better than I have in ages, and although the fear probably wins 4/5 times, these days I can actually SEE the one victory I manage to achieve. And each of those carries me forward. At a snail's pace, but forward nonetheless.

As you might imagine, I don't really have an answer to your questions. I don't know how it is for you, but I find a lot of the steps I take "back" revolve around fears that are probably often irrational (although wouldn't you know it- it never seems that way until conquered). And I've come to recognize that those retreats are choices that I've made. Choices to succumb to my imaginary demons. The "solution" that I've come up with and implemented somewhat irregularly, is to put myself in situations where backing out is not an option so when a problem arises, I go through instead of retreating. Like taking on a big project at work that I'm not entirely comfortable with and I can't back out of for fear of being judged, and using my fear of failure to push myself to ensure that I don't. Fighting fear with fear, so to speak.