Whats up with my gender?

[Happy_Hippie]

Hey everyone! lately, I've been feeling pretty weird and uncomfortable with my gender (cis woman) and I was hoping to get some advice about how to go about this. I'm not experiencing any sort of dysphoria and I don't feel as though I'm the opposite gender. And I say lately but honestly, I've been feeling this way, or more of a watered-down version of this, since I was 15 (I'm 20 now.) For some context, I was diagnosed with BPD and Depression when I was 16 and have been in and out of hospital since then for self-harm/suicide attempts and not eating. I identify as a pansexual cis woman and have since I was 15. I'm a left-leaning communist and a pretty radical feminist, of course, I am 10000% in support of trans rights and the rights of every other gender out there.

Honestly, I just feel kind of wrong about my gender, or that something is missing, I feel almost empty (in regards to my gender) like there should be something more. I often feel that my gender isn't enough or it doesn't fit me right. This is causing me to feel even more depressed than I do with my BPD and actual Depression.

So what's up with this?

Seeking helpful advice, Happy Hippie.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Happy Hippie,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear that these feelings around your gender are causing you to feel more depressed, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.  

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline who are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. They're available to you 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 or you can get in touch through webchat at: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

Another great option might be to reach out to QLife who offer support and referrals for people wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.
 

[therising]

Hi Happy Hippie

Not sure if this will help but I can remember when coming out of my depression some years ago going through a process of letting go of a lot of my identity. It was a sudden kind of shift where I not only dropped a lot of the self limiting beliefs I'd identified with, through most of my life, but also a lot of limiting beliefs others identified me through. The way I identified others changed too.

It's rare I'll ever consider gender, age, appearance and so on. It's strange but it's simply no longer programed into me to identify people in this way, unless I'm led to do it for one reason or another (such as with filling out forms etc). Give me a 4 year old or a 40 year old and I'll identify the sage in them, not their age. Give me a man or a woman and I'll identify the sensitive soul in them, not their gender. Give me someone who appears a certain way on the outside and I'll identify the beautiful person in them, which leads me to see them as entirely beautiful.

I'm wondering whether you're not feeling the need to identify as anything other than who you naturally are. So, if you're naturally a beautiful sensitive sage, there's no need to identify yourself in any other way. Instead work on the beautiful, sensitive sage like aspects of yourself and don't consider too much of anything else, unless the moment calls for it. There are always going to be moments that lead me to consider biological aspects of myself. I'm the woman who gave birth to 2 beautiful souls and I'm also the woman who dislikes pap smears 🙂 All in all, such gender considerations are often rare.

Your natural self may be saying 'Stop focusing on gender so much'. Maybe you're simply tuning in to your natural self at this point in life. Do you think this is a possibility? If you are tuning in more, there's possibly other positive 'messages' your natural self is giving you. Perhaps there are other things you're considering letting go of. Are you getting a sense of wanting to judge less and observe life more, in a more open minded way? The gender issue is possibly a part of an overall process you're facing. Letting go can definitely be liberating, especially when what we've been identifying with relates to beliefs that have brought us down in life.

🙂

[RoseQuartz]

Hey Happy Hippie,

A guess is that we are brought up in a society that uses prefixed labels. Trying to figure out which exact label you fit into especially if you have bits and pieces of a few may make you feel lost or unknown. Naturally, we want to belong, so all these efforts may end up making you question why you should or shouldn't compose yourself to result in a certain way. WELL, all humans are fascinating and delicately unique. Research findings constantly evolve which help us understand the types of human identities existing that we never considered before. There is no right or wrong way to identify in character, looks, emotion, attraction or dissatisfaction. I find the world is evolving with education and respect so it is a gentler time to be yourself.

Feel comfortable to continue evolving too, why hold back? Enjoy who you are, explore and that is a sincere version of you in the "now".

Join meet up groups and get to talk to alike people, make friends chat etc. Also, worth leveraging specialised advice from the contact center at Beyond Blue as I am sure this is common questioning.