Gender identity

[Eek]

Ok, I have an issue. I get extremely annoyed and agitated at this movement of gender identity. Now, I wish I was more accepting, but when people start saying there is more than 2 genders, it really pisses me off. I have never questioned my own gender, never even crossed my mind. I am a male, not by choice, but because of my chromosomal make up-mainly that I have an XY chromosome, rather than XX means I am biologically a male. I am not stereotypical male, Im not particularly masculine, or anything like that. If anything, I have never felt like I fit in with what some people consider a man.

HOWEVER, I dont doubt I am a man, because of the fact I have XY. Additionally, I thought the societal representations of what men and women were; gender roles for example, was wrong and that it is wrong to have gender roles in society. And yet, people are basing their genders on these out dated forms of what a female and a male should be.

I am not against acting however you want, but why is there such a huge importance placed on identifying yourself as a certain gender?  Your gender doesn't define you as much as you would like to think it is.

I have seen so many videos explaining different genders, and some of them sound the EXACT same as another gender. Stop defining everything and just live how ever you want to live.  Not everybody needs to know your gender either, if you look like a man and I call you a man in public, dont say I misgendered you (if you dont identify as a man), I cant tell how you FEEL/THINK you should be identified as.

THank you for coming to my ted talk. Any advice on how to deal with this, or anyone that would be willing to explain (deeper than just feelings), of why this is etc?

[Sophie_M]

Dear Eek,

Welcome to our valued online forums community. This is a safe and non-judgmental place where users give and receive support based on their own experiences with mental health. It sounds like you are struggling with these thoughts and want to better understand gender diversity. Given how much this is confusing you as someone whose biological sex and gender match, it might be helpful for you to imagine how people whose chromosomal composition is as at odds with their gender feel.

If you're seeking more information on the topic, we recommend you check out the website of our friends at QLife. This guide was written for health professionals, but we think you might find this tip sheet about gender diversity informative: https://qlife.org.au/uploads/6-Gender-Diversity.pdf.

To help out community best support you, perhaps you could let us know what it is that would help you accept that some people feel differently about their gender than you do. Why does this issue bother you? How does it make you feel?

We're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

[P0L0]

Hi Eek,

Welcome to the forums and congrats on reaching out to broaden your understanding.

It can be difficult to understand another way of thinking when you have been so used to another way of thinking. There is a difference between sex and gender. Sex is what you are biologically, and concerns the XY/XX chromosomes. However, gender is something completely different, and is something humans decided to give to people. Traditionally, it was male and female. Now, there are much broader and more inclusive terms, such as non-binary (do not identify as male or female), or gender fluid (someone's gender changes over time).

You say that it doesn't matter what gender identity one has, but it is very important to those who want to be a part of group and better understand themselves. Just like you might want to understand your interests so you can join a group of friends that share your interests; people want to understand what gender they have so they can find people like them and feel included.

Moreover, if someone were to tell you that you mis-gendered them, you shouldn't feel bad, but you should try to be inclusive and call them by the pronouns they prefer. Just like you ask for someone's name, you can ask for someone's pronouns. If accidentally call someone the wrong name, would you continue to call them the wrong name or would you learn their real name?

Remember this issue might not mean much to you, but it can mean a lot to someone else, just like some people like basketball and others like football.

Hope this helps!

P0L0

[Eek]

Thank you for your response. I would like to mention a couple of things:

1. Can't I refer to a person based on the pronouns associated with their sex? Why do pronouns have to refer to gender? For example, if I see a biological woman and he calls me to help with something and I say ma'am, I should'nt have to deal with the possibility of him bringing the feelings card because hes sad that I misgendered him, when I identified him based on his sex (woman). Shouldn't that be acceptable?

2. Is the world seriously going to devolve into having to essentially have a questionnare about how someone wants to be identified? I dont want to have to ask how they feel like they identify. I don't think when I meet someone new, I'd ask what their pronouns are, mainly because I dont care because to me it's really dumb, but also because Ill just refer to you via sex. And in all honesty, we should just stick with sex, I still have no understanding of why gender is that important, and it seems like an attention seeking act tbh. As you can see, my aggression towards this topic has not subsided.

3. Does this mean I can identify as 6 foot 3, even though I am biologically 5 foot 7. And before you answer that, I want to belong to a community, and I want to better understand myself. I know I am not technically 6 foot 3, but I feel like I am in the wrong body, and that my height is actually 6 foot 3.

If not, that is extremely disrespectful to me, and unfair.I should be able to be identified how ever I like. Additionally, I am biologically a human, but I identify as an extra terrestial, and if you say I can't that is extremely offensive and close minded.

4. Your point of basketball vs football doesnt fit well, because people who like football or basketball dont force people who dont like that sport to acknowledge that sport, and potentially force them to learn it in a school environment. They also dont change how one can greet them based on that sport, and dont make it a huge part of their personality they feel the need to share.

5. Some of these genders are so similar, that surely for practicality reasons we can just refer to them as the same right?

6. Why do people want to belong based on gender? Isnt this movement seperating our population to much based on gender? I dont feel like I need to belong to the cisgendered community, and I dont understand that point that people do feel the need to belong to a community based on gender.