The unchosen life of an outlier

[BluWren13]

I'm turning thirty soon, which has put me in a very introspective mood.

I'm ageing. I'm Im about to be that thirty year old that lives in their parents basement (if my parents had a basement). 

My parents are ageing and I rely on them for nearly everything. 

I'm a gender neutral, asexual, recluse. 

I'm am an outlier. I do not fit in current society. Yet society demands that I do, or be forgotten. I am forgotten. 

The only society that I identify with is the LGBT community, and yet even with them, I am still an outlier.

I have tried to fit in, to bend myself into a semblance of normal, but it broke me multiple times. 

 So now I am a forgotten outlier that is nearly completely dependant on ageing parents.

I am lost. 

[Scotchfinger]

Bluwren

You know what? I think a hell of a lot of us are lost. At least you admit to the feeling. A lot of people won't even own up to the fact.

Your post resonated with me, especially the last line. I think for me too, I need to stop and take stock and accept my current situation. "I am lost or I feel lost anyway. Now, where too from here? What can I do about it? What is something positive I can do about the situation? What can I do today?"

We need to reconnect with society. Be that through a church, volunteering, work or a hobby. Spending time alone, worrying, doesn't help. If we are forced to spend time alone, then what can we do? Exercise. Read inspirational biographies. Creative writing. Journaling. I was inspired only last night by hearing from an ex AFL player and how he does yoga every morning, and repeats positive mantras. Bret Kirk it was from the Swans.

But anyway, the first step you have faced . Now for the second step.

[Paul]

Hey BluWren,

Hugs - welcome to Beyond Blue forums. Whilst I can't relate exactly with your situation, I really can understand from knowing some gender neutral folks. it can be a struggle at times because there are no boxes to fit into.

As you say, GLBTI people can fit in to one or more boxes where they find their brethren. But being neutral - I can see how difficult it can be.

I pick up from your post that you are pretty hard on yourself as well. Adding to a negative definition of yourself every time you told us more about you. I feel that would be easy to do though, given what you have described.

There are some organisations who offer support for non gender binary folks and transgender folks, I'm pretty sure they have get togethers to meet like minded people.

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/

http://lgbtihealth.org.au/

One of the other community champions has some great links - I'm sure he will post them when he sees this post.

I really do understand how much our gender and sexuality defines us on the inside and on the outside, but please remember that you are a person, living, breathing and loving just like everyone else, for that you are beautiful just like everyone else! There's a community waiting for you and waiting for your love, let's find them together.

I think once you find wonderful people, you'll rely less and less on your folks which will help reduce the feeling of being lost.

I think a lot of us go very introspective when we turn 30, especially sensitive people, it's a new stage in life. It seems like you've reached this point and your mind is gently prodding you to belong somewhere. Everyone belongs. The journey to that collective is the variable. 

For now, are you happy to tell us more about you? What hobbies you have, if you work - what sort of work, which state you are in. Of course if you would like to keep this private it's completely OK too!

Take care BluWren. Drop by often, I'll ask some of my friends to give me a hand to find some resources for you that will likely help you find a community.

Hugs

Paul

[BluWren13]

Thank you lats. You just gave me the gift of hope.

Thank you 🙂

[Paul]

Hey BluWren,

I just heard from my friend. She is a member of a facebook group called "Genderfluid"

She mentioned there is Genderfluid melbourne as well, but as far as she can gather there are only 3 or so Melb people out of a thousand.

I'll hopefully have some more info for you. Alternatively if you give "switchboard" (The GLBTIQ counselling service) a call, they have a reference book of groups and resources. They should be able to find some that you can check out as well.

There's the Qlife in Queensland, twenty10 in NSW and many others.

Perhaps give one of them a call and ask for some groups or websites for genderfluid or non-binary folks.

Please let me know how you go, I can check with Switchboard if you can't get on to anyone.

Paul

[Gruffudd]

Hi there BluWren,

Genderqueer is roughly my label, not that I tend to use it much because I get bored of explaining myself. I would like to say you are not the only one who feels like that. I go in a bit of a love hate cycle in what I think of myself and situation in life, but mostly wouldn't chose to be someone else. I also rather respect those who stick by and support family, whilst you feel dependent it is never a one way street in my experience. The internet is a gentile way to break the isolation and Paul has some quality suggestions there, I would love to hear more of your story on beyond blue if you would like to share it.