Not trans enough or not woman enough

[DownDad]

Hi All,

I am a trans woman, well at least that is how I currently identify.

I am really struggling with not be trans/woman enough. I look like a man and everyone identifies me as a man. I have a deep voice and dont know how to fix that. I do try to present female but then people just look at me weird. I am not talkative enough, not that all woman are talkative. I dont have friends, again not exclusive to one gender.

I just dont feel like I fit in with either binary gender and I dont feel there is a middle. I am 38 and I know there is not much hope for me but I am still transitioning.

[james1]

Hello DownDad,

I don't know much about issues that transgender people face, so I apologise if I come across as ignorant.

From what I understand, it sounds like you are really struggling with fitting in and knowing, I guess, who you are. Is that right?

I don't feel like I can speak on gender troubles, but I do have what could be a similar issue but relating to culture. See, I'm ethnic Chinese born in Australia, and I grew up in a very western environment with almost no Chinese friends. Anyway, my point is I struggle with my identity and I don't really know whether to call myself Chinese, or white Australian (which I'm obviously not), because even though I am 100% ethnically Chinese, I feel like I identify more with a western culture. Yet, I don't fit in either and I do lie kind of in the middle...which would be fine, except that my brain tends to want one or the other, and people seem to expect one or the other.

So a long story short, I do understand that identity issues are really tough and if you don't feel like there is a middle, I can imagine that makes things really hard for you. I am curious though why you don't feel like there is a middle ground?

James

[DownDad]

HI James,

I guess I dont feel like there is a middle just as you mention "people seem to expect one or the other." I know there is non-binary people but then how do I find friends or relationships?

I am just lost with no-one to talk to about these issues.

Thanks again

[leesy_lou]

Hi DownDad,

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you have taken the time to try and put into words what you have been experiencing at the moment. From what you have said it sounds like you don't feel like your physical body reflects who you are and that its almost letting you down, would that be right to say?

From your most recent posts it sounds like you have gone through a drastic period of change at the moment, both within yourself and around you - sounds like a challenging time to be you. I hear you say you are also going through this alone so I'm glad you have reached out here. I think you will find it will connect you with some like minded people or at least help point you in the right direction.

I really commend you for still wanting to transition despite the challenges you see ahead. It seem like right now is a time to be you, to really be you and this makes me happy to read.

[james1]

Hey DownDad,

Yeah, I can understand that, and being rejected or having strange looks can make it feel like there is no space for you.

I feel like there should be space for non-binary people, even if it is harder to come about. Have you looked into any support groups for transgender people and been able to talk to anyone from there?

BeyondBlue has this page here which seems to suggest there's a group called "Qlife" who can provide phone support as well as information. Perhaps they may also be able to help you with finding support more locally to you?

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/lesbian-gay-bi-trans-and-intersex-lgbti-people/help...

Otherwise, I'd love to keep talking to you here if you would like. I'd be interested to hear about your support network and whether you have family or friends who know about your challenges, and whether they are supportive of you.

James

[DownDad]

Hi James,

I have no friends and my family is not supportive at all. I am alone.

Thanks

[james1]

Hello DownDad,

I'm sorry to hear that. I've read that it is not uncommon for that to be the case, and I imagine it must feel really lonely. Please know that I am here with you, and I hope to be able to support you as you try to find better friends to meet in person.

What do you think about looking into any support groups to talk to other transgender people who would also be experiencing similar things to you?

James