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My Son

mamabear01
Community Member

Hi all, 

My teenage son recently told me that he is Bi. I have absolutely no trouble with this and love him exactly the same. 
A bit of back story….my mum (his nan) passed at the beginning of the year which really affected him. My husband also has Parkinson’s/Dementia and my son sees his dad declining. He also recently broke up with his girlfriend (online only) This led to depression and him being overwhelmed, luckily with the support of a fantastic gp he was put on anti depressents and seemed to be doing really well. Then he said he liked a girl at school but that was only like a crush that lasted a hot minute. 
Fast forward to him telling me he is bi. We went out for coffee and I asked him what made him feel this way eg, have you met someone? He said he has met someone (gaming online once again 😩) Red flags came up when he said he was 16 and had been in the military for 4 years!!! Then he told me the person met was a born a she and wants to be a boy. I have no issue in the world with this. BUT I think he is getting sucked in by people (male or female) that tells him what he wants to hear. I asked him genuinely if he was bi because this person was born a girl. I am all new to this so meant no offence. My son has now become very defensive and won’t discuss it with me. I tried to tell him I have no problem with who he wants to date, I just have a problem with it being online - boy or girl I would be the same.  This person lives apparently in America so they could be saying anything to him because he is vulnerable at the moment. Then he just gets angry and tell me I’m not being supportive. 
I’m just so confused and worried for him. We have always been so close. I think he is being fooled and told by this person who he is. 
Sorry for the long essay!!

2 Replies 2

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear mamabear01~

I think as a parent if I was in the same situation as you then I'd be just as worried (and just as lost as to what  to do)

 

On-line gaming and activities are a fact of life and not all bad, but as you are aware they do create opportunities for young people to be taken advantage of.

 

The Australian Federal Police have a website that goes part way to educate people about signs of various behaviors and does offer some advice

 

https://www.thinkuknow.org.au/find-advice

 

While it was excellent your son was able ot talk to you about regarding himself as Bi and also the reason for it I"m not sure there is much you can do except try to keep his confidence. Teenagers can be very good at finding ways around outright bans and blocks which simply means their activities are more secret.

 

It must be very tempting to lay out examples of what can happen to people, and how predators operate, however these are basically logical arguments, and you are dealing with emotions -so I'd be surprised if they did anything other that distance your son.

 

Perhaps simply educating him the one of the favorite tricks is to get a hold of some sort on a person to make them  do what they want, be it undesirable images, using a parent's credit card or actual meetings and should you son ever be faced wiht these situations you are a safe person to go to.

 

A very frustrating and worrying time, I'd arm myself with as much knowledge as is reasonable about on-line undesirable activities to be able to recognize danger signals and if possible try to encourage your son to have non computer related activities and friends he can enjoy. (No, no easy at all)

 

What may seem obvious to an adult (16 yo wiht 4 yrs military service??) may not seem so cut and dried to a person who is too close.

 

Please do come back and say how things are getting on.

 

Croix

 

 

 

 

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear mamabear01,

We’d like to join Croix in welcoming you to the forums, thank you for trusting our caring community with your concerns. As you are already receiving community support, we just wanted to pop in and provide some helpful links.
 
We would like to recommend contacting QLife. They’re a free and anonymous service run by LGBTIQ+ peers for those wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings, or relationships, including family/ friends with questions. They operate between 3pm and midnight each day and can be called on 1800 184 527 or via web chat.

Please also consider engaging with Beyond Blue if you would like to talk about your ongoing concerns, we are always here for you. Please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or through Online Chat 24/7. Please don’t feel you have to do this alone.


Thank you again for joining our supportive community forums, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.

Warm Regards,
Sophie M