my last 3 years

[gibby3794]

i have been suffering depression and anxiety since February 2011 (brought on due to moving away from my home town) but i have only recently been diagnosed, i am now wishing i did not let it get to this point and decided to get help earlier (i am now seeing a psychologist) and possibly getting medication, it seems that ever since i moved everything has gone wrong, all of a sudden i ended up to my eye balls in debt with about 10 different debt collection agency's ringing daily to the point where i am now scared of answering my phone.

i have also realized since moving that i am actually gay and while friends and co-workers dont have any issues with it as within my group of friends there are a few of us that are gay, lesbian and bi, and my work colleagues are all fine with it to as we have 4 people within the company (including me) that are gay i still have not had the courage to tell any family members about my sexuality, depression, anxiety or much about myself to be honest, i am close to most of my family but can not bring myself to tell them and every day i dont it is eating away at me making things worse.

i used to love going to work but the last 2 months i find myself dreading going and the only reason i have not quit is because of financial stress.

i have also gone out and brought expensive things (like a $1000 tv) ect thinking if i buy this i will love my life and feel great but it doesnt work, the novelty of the things i buy wears off then i have to sell them to pay bills or stuff and am still paying them off, so i end up worse off having a debt for something that the novelty had worn off and item has been sold. 

i also have bad tendencies to get angry at people really easy and instead of dealing with it like a normal person i either start yelling and screaming or just dont say a word and get in my car and drive very unsafely. 

and so far none of my methods have helped at all, infact they make things worse so please people do not do what i do as it just makes things worse..

i dont even know if this makes any sense or why i am writing it but here i am so yeahh.. thanks for reading 

[Blue85]

Hi Gibby,

 I've just read through this thread, and it sounds like you've had a big year...

 I just wanted to suggest that if you found the right psychologist, 10 sessions might actually be a big help. If you spread them out across the year (even monthly), you would be able to get close to the end of the year and not have to wait too long until you could get a new mental health care plan. If you find someone that you like and trust, it could be very beneficial. Explaining your financial concerns would also mean they understand your needs in spreading appointments out. They could even suggest ways you work on therapy between suggestions (I know I am on monthly psych sessions now and I get 'homework' between sessions which helps a lot).

 Please also don't feel pressured in telling your family about your sexuality until you are ready either - it can cause extra unneeded stress. You will know when it is the right time. In the meantime, I am glad you've been able to be honest with friends about it. 

 Good luck with everything - and we are always here. 🙂

[gibby3794]

hi blue 85 thanks for your comment 🙂 yes it has been a pretty big year with all the changes but none of these things are weir for me now thankfully it didnt take me log to adjust to any of it, i went to my job network yesterday and they have now hired a psych so next appt they are going to see when i can book in for a session (they will be free of charge)

every now and then i feel like i need to tell family but its not all that often..

and ive finally adapted to not having a car (in 3 and a half years i only went 3 months without a car) and my gear box blew up back in sept and the car really wasnt worth fixing and at the moment dont have the means to buy another car so am without for the first time in a long time hahah, at first i was ripping my hair out but now it doesnt even bother me (if i really need to go somewhere and my friends are home i can borrow one of theirs) i dont need to though as the only thing i really need to do is buy smokes on payday and my tobacco is cheaper at the corner shop so i just walk there or walk to the shopping centre which isnt far away, the main thing still doing my head in is that i cant just go for a random drive of a night like i used to do to clear my head, and the fact that i cant go to the gym if my friend doesnt go as well (i dont want to walk there as i generally make myself sick while im there and dont want to have to walk home after that hahah) but a friends loosing her licence for 12 months soon so i think shes going to give me her car while she has no licence and ill just take her places she needs to go, so then ill be able to actually go to the gym by myself etc 🙂

anyways ill leave it there as going to aldi in a minute