My friend the lesbian?

[Jude7]

My friend has dated several guys throughout high school and all have been really big "mistakes" as she calls them. At the end of grade 11 she pulled me aside to tell me after all the abuse she went through with boys that she was so affected it drove her into the arms of an older girl. (We we're 16 this girl was 22). I was a little shocked, but i love her and decided whatever she wanted to be or do was her decision even though it took me by surprise. She dated this girl for a few months and then suddenly they broke up without any dramatic conclusion.. they just kind of stopped talking. For the entire year she talked to me about how being with a girl was so much more intimate and special, and i really do believe she was in love. She vowed off men forever because she was ready to "come out". Of course lots of people bullied her... she had dated half the male population of our school! lots of people called her an "attention seeker" and a "slut" for what she did but i held her hand throughout.

Almost a year has passed since and the bullying has stopped, she tells me everyday she's happy with everything thats happened... but now just last week she started seeing a guy? I'm so confused because i don't know how to respond and feel like she will get offended by any questions i have. I also don't want to see her get bullied again... Can someone honestly change their sexuality so quickly? 

[Neil_1]

Hi Jude

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

A very interesting question you have raised and it also seems like you are a wonderful friend - during the last year, did your friend have a 'steady girlfriend' or was she just kind of single?   Single, but being happier that she had 'weaned' herself away from guys?

With regard to changing of preferences, I'm sorry I cannot answer that, but I guess my main question now is:  "Is your friend happy?"

The bullying side of things is unfortunately a big thing that happens in schools;  and is largely targeted to people who have differences about them.  That's the thing that irritates me so much about bullies - they either pick on the weak, the injured or the different and there's some chemical in their brain that makes them do this and it irks me big time.  Sorry, slight digression here.

What I was trying to get at was that I think as she's older now, the bullying in the regard to what she was receiving in and around school should cease (I say should, cause I really don't know, but I believe it should).

But I think, overall, if she's happy now - then that should be the best result for everyone.

Just my thoughts.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Jude, welcome to the site, and thanks for posting your comment.

As my friend Neil has said your comment is indeed an interesting one, and from you have said am I on the right track here that you are in love with her, and now question what she is doing by going out with a male.

This could well and truly stop and she could go back to dating girls, because she's still not sure what sexuality she prefers, which then means that she could maybe bi-sexual.

The problem is if this is correct is that her partners of either sex are able to accept this then there should be no concern, however if one of them raises some disagreement, she will most likely drop them.

I don't think that if you ask her the question 'do you like men and women' that she will be offended, or rather it would be good if she answered you.

I'm not sure whether you will be able to handle this, as it's a bit of shock to you. L Geoff. x