LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

[MsPurple]

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community.

A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations 🙂 Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything

Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s

I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer

Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums

MP 🙂

[-headintheclouds-]

Hi!

I was wondering if someone could provide a really good definition for bisexual and pansexual. I don't know which one I really identify with, and while it's not causing me distress or anxiety, I don't know how to explain it nicely to the important people in my life.

In terms of attraction, I like everyone. I tend to like a person's personality rather than their looks (although, I will admit that looks help). I've been told that pansexual fits what I'm feeling, but one of my pan friends got offended at this and said I'm bi.

Please Help!

[Just Sara]

Hey and welcome hun!

Pan-sexual definition: not limited in sexual attraction (re biological sex) to gender or gender identity. (I guess this includes trans lovelies and people who identify as 'other' like non gender specific)

Bi-sexual definition: sexually attracted to men and women. (Biological gender at birth)

Hope this helps; labels aren't my thing. If it's there, it's there. No point worrying if love's PC or not. Your friends need to calm down. We've just had a huge leap in our culture with same sex marriage. Please tell them to celebrate the win and leave judgement until they walk in other people's shoes ok. My heart and bedroom's off limits btw!

With being bi, there's usually a 'leaning' towards one gender more than another. The argument still goes on about bi gals/guys being closet gays. (Whew, that was a mouthful! 🙂

But you know what? Who gives a flying frog's arse?! Sorry; I'm so over this bloody debate about who and how to love. "Go for it!" is what I say. Stay safe, give respect and demand respect from others and yourself.

You take care ok. Write anytime you want; this is a safe and secure place to be yourself.

Kind regards;

Sez x

[MsPurple]

-headintheclouds- welcome. Sorry for the late reply. Sez is absolutely right. Labels are not everything. You need to feel comforable in your identity including the label that sits right with you (and if none do, you can just say, I like all people regardless of gender and don't have a label, that is cool too).

I myself identify as bisexual. I am in a current relationship with a man but he knows I am bisexual and he also acknowledges that I am still bisexual even dating him, however I am in a loyal heterosexual relationship. I choose to identify as bisexual because pansexual didn't sit well with me. Just didn't feel right. Although I am bisexual I may sometimes fit in the definition as pansexual because I am be attracted to trans people. I don't know if I am attracted to gender queer, hence me being more bisexual in that way. The lines can be a bit blurring, but it is for everyone. My friend is straight, but she says she loves boobs, does this make her bi? No but she can see attraction in women if if not sexually or romantically attracted to them.

Hope this was helpful. Labels can be empowering but also confusing

[Just Sara]

Great post MsP! You rock!!!!

xo

[Crallop]

Hey, I'm new here and am so confused. I was just wondering if you, or anyone who reads this could help me? I know I'm young, and anything I say is probably trivial, and not important because I have plenty of time left in life to figure this out, but currently, I was hoping for some help? I think I might be bi, because I have an attraction to both girls and guys, and I really like my best friend but don't know how to her.

Also, I'm not sure if I should tell my parents, or wait until I'm out of school or know for certain. I'm sorry if this is so completely irrelevant to anything, or its nothing that anyone will take seriously because I'm so young, but I'm still confused and hoping for help?

Hope everyone has an awesome day.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Crallop;

It takes guts to write your innermost thoughts on here so well done!

Firstly, stop beating yourself up ok. Your 'truth' is as important as anyone's so instead of apologising or discounting your young thoughts, pat yourself on the back for having the courage to explore your inner world. I think it's great you're talking about it.

I'm assuming you're a teen. Hormones will create all sorts of confused feelings so hanging off telling your folks might be a good idea for now. In the meantime, take note of those feelings for your friend for instance, and try to identify if they're sexual or emotional.

Sometimes the body will interpret loving feelings as 'desire'. It's a chemical response in the brain due to teenage hormone levels. Boys and girls go thru all sorts of experiences while their bodies and minds are developing to prepare for adulthood. It's up to you if you want to act on these feelings too as long as you're safe and respected.

A friend recently told me when he was young, he and his friends at camp were 'fooling around' which was fun at the time. But when he got home, he was confused as to why he enjoyed the experience and thought he might be gay; he wasn't. It's young 'bodies' exploring their sexual feelings.

I say 'body' because it'll respond to sexual stimulation no matter where it comes from in these early yrs. It's your mind and heart that need time to catch up. Please don't worry because as you say, you're young and have plenty of time to explore, experiment and gauge where your mind and body feel more at one with each other ok.

Leave judgement and self criticism alone. It'll only serve to confuse you more. Go with the flow, (I wrote 'glow' first. lol It's probably more apt actually) Enjoy your youth because you only go thru it once.

Maybe strike up a conversation with your friends about something you saw on tv to gauge what other girls are going thru. You might be surprised. 🙂

Take care hun. I hope I've helped to ease your mind. It doesn't happen overnight; it's a process. And leave 'labels' alone. We're all on a 'spectrum' of sexuality and it's the brave one's who dare to explore.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Just Sara]

I just want to add one thing Crallop;

If you want to talk more or ask questions, please don't hesitate ok. Talking and questioning your sexuality is totally normal at your age. It might even help you rid some of those anxious feelings to write on here some more.

You have a great day too! 🙂

Sez

[startingnew]

Hi Crallop

I think Sez has covered everything ( well written post btw 👌) but just wanted to welcome you too 🙂

[MsPurple]

Sez that hit the nail on the head. So I will avoid repeating myself.

Crallop I thought I'd share part of my experience, and see if this hits home. It kinda may help you realise that others go through the same confusing thing.

When I was 17 I questioned my sexuallity. I was friends with a bisexual guy so I talked to him about it, however I never acted on it at that time. I was inexperienced in relationships and exploration in general then (didn't have my first kiss till 16). I then started dating a boy shortly later and thought that meant I was straight. Move forward a few years, and that relationship well and truly over, I started questioning my sexuality again. I was on tinder looking at girls and thinking, wow. I didn't know what to do about these feelings, and whether I should act on it. I still liked boys. So I knew I wasn't lesbian. I decided to talk to my therapist I had started seeing at headspace. He was really good and told me to just to open to it. Open to relationships, love in all shapes and forms. To not stress about it and those who love me will still be there regardless. So I decided to explore. I then knew I wasn't straight and accepted I was bisexual (after going on a tinder date and seeing a clear connection with a girl). I told my family a year after this discovery. Yes sexuality can be a journey. On tv we just see so many gay and lesbian people who are so sure, I feel like that don't show the sexually confused people, and when they do it only goes for 5 minutes. It is ok to take your time to discover yourself. I was 23 when I discovered I was bisexual. That was 3 years ago now, wow time flies.

Hope that Sez post and knowing that others have gone through a similar journey to you.

[startingnew]

hello everyone

im in a sticky siuation and wouldnt mind some advice if you dont mind...

i have these feelings for another woman, but i very much know she is off lmits- she is married and also abit older then me (mid 30s) . so.... how do i switch off those 'butterfly'type feelings when i see her? i dont obsess over her like a love struck teenager it just seems to be when people mention her or i see her in person..

any advice would be appreciated.......