In need of some support

[OliveOyl]

Hi there...I have recently been through yet another break up, and although I thought I was going okay with it, some things have set me right back. I thought I had pulled myself out of depression, but I think I'm in denial at whether it has crept it's way back into my head and my heart. I find myself feeling so negatively, and it's completely exhausting 😞 I get so very, very lonely and so very, very tired...I'm a single full time mum and I work full time, it's all so hard. I am in need of just some genuine support.

[white knight]

Hi Oliveoyl,  welcome to BeyondBlue forums,

It tough, life, break ups, arguments, stress, bills,, finances, and on and on the list goes.  Then there are daily routines- you're a full time worker and a single mum....what a balancing act.

To top it off you go through "yet another separation".  Boy, no wonder you are on emotional skid row Oliveoyl.

Dont be afraid and a trip to your GP will be a good first move.  Read many sites here in your spare time. Focus- on yourself and your child....nothing more for some time say a few months. Distance yourself from past relationships. Remove toxic people from your life. ...breathe slowly. Sleep and recuperate.

Accept, that relationships are complex and rarely do they work 100%, nor can finding a permanent partner be easy. Love yourself. Accept yourself. For you are raising a child and that is an important role.

Consider a change of living environment. I'm a strong advocate for depressed people moving to a more relaxed lifestyle. Ask yourself questions- Can I move to the country? will it soften the financial burden so I can work only part time?

Be fluid with the details of your life....reconsider everything. And take care

[CrashCoyote]

Hi OliveOyl,

It is a while since you posted. How is it going for you?

I have read your post and you said you have recently been through (another) break up. May I ask how recently, and how long was the relationship? The reason I ask is that it is not unusual for any of us to grieve the loss of any relationship, particularly a partner. Perhaps where you are in your head (heart) is entirely appropriate, albeit not easy!

White Knight has nailed it. A trip to a G.P. or even a web chat here or the 1300 number are a start to getting an outsider to see how you are. Also, and unfortunately, it is hard to find the right person but that is the risk we all take in putting ourselves out there. That it might cause pain.

I look forward to your next post.

Kind regards, John.

[OliveOyl]

Hi white knight and John...thank you kindly for your replies. Please know how much I appreciate the fact that you took the time to respond 🙂

Things haven't been great, some days are okay, some days are horrible. The break up was not the only factor in my downfall, the last two years have seen so many massive changes, my self confidence drop when I worked so hard to build it up, then a failed relationship just toppled it all over. John - we split back in July, we had been together about two years. It was a mutual break up, and I was okay with it briefly, but then for some reason I just crumbled within a matter of weeks...

I am not one to 'need' a partner, and the relationship was not working in so many ways, so that I will come to terms with, and I am a loner as it is, but hell I get so damn lonely anyway, just for company, friends would be great too but my closest friends are busy with their own lives... 😞 I feel like one of those mice on a wheel, and I can't get off...I'm tired, exhausted, lonely, lost my spark. Sigh...

Before I met my ex-partner, I was in such a good place, I was happy on my own, confident in myself, my life, my body...just happy being me. I want that back.

White knight - I am looking at my living arrangements, I cannot keep living where I am on my own, it's just too hard financially, I have looked at maybe going slightly rural where it would be cheap, but to be honest I think that would be worse for me, I isolate myself too much as it is, and I am in no way a country person, but Canberra is just so damn expensive. My parents is the main option, but hell I feel like a failure having to do that at 33years old 😞

I will consider my GP, although I've been through all of that before, I am not sure a psychologist will work for me again, and I cannot afford that either, even on a mental health plan. I will perhaps look at using the counsellor through my workplace.

Anyway, thank you both for listening to my rambling...appreciated more than you know!

Liv

[geoff]

dear Liv, I am so pleased that WK and John have replied back to you, two well experienced guys who have been through hell themselves, but thankfully have come out the other end, but because we have been there and back, so to speak, is that our depression will always leave a permanent scar on us, because I don't believe that when we can recover or overcome this illness, it never goes away fully.

There have been people on this site who have broken down and this certainly includes myself even though we have found the light, because we are prone for this to happen again.

Your self confidence would have dropped because there were many issues either in the relationship, family or work that have been a problem, so your self worth has fallen away.

If you do go and see your GP and counsellor then I wonder whether your circumstances would be a bit different, although they may seem to be similar, but every relationship can never be the same really, because their personalities are different. L Geoff. x