I don't know what to do with my life

[Robbo_]

I am 21 year old, I am unemployed and living with my parents. Feeling really depressed. I used to have someone to talk to but they're not around any more so I thought I'd post.

I'm gay and I'm not out. I first realized it in high school. My parents are religious Asians so I never told them. At first I didn't wanna admit it to myself, or tell anyone. So in high school I became that guy that had no friends and pushed everyone away. I did so because I thought if I allowed people to get close to me, they would see me for who I really am. I pushed everyone away and kept to myself. I have completely stuffed myself up. Slowly since high school I've started getting really anxious when I'm around people. I find myself getting really uncomfortable in social situations, I can't even make eye contact with anyone without freezing up and completely humiliating myself. I have trouble keeping a conversation going. This has caused me to have troubles finding a job, being at school, getting an education. Everything pretty much.

I completed year 12 and got a certificate luckily. Those last 2 school years were the hardest time in my life but I made it through. After that I tried to study IT and Chefing but didn't have as much luck. Studying those two courses required me to go to a new school and be around new people and I wasn't able to do that. I thought if I kept my eyes on the price (which was completing the courses) I could do it but very slowly my lack of social skills got in my way. I had to drop out of both. Now I am 21 years old, unemployed with very minimal experience in hospitality.

I have been trying really hard to get a job but everyone just wants experienced people and good social skills and I just don't have any of those. I wish someone would just give me a chance. I would start at the bottom if I have to. I just need a chance. I check online regularly for jobs, it's become part of my routine. I sent out resumes almost everyday, I get phone calls at least once a week and attend interviews but I guess I'm just not good enough.

My last job was an apprenticeship at a restaurant, It was hard on my first year, I didn't speak unless I had to.

I was left alone and I did my job. Very slowly after my second year I made a friend at school and things got better. I eventually became friends with my workmates after only a year and I think it was because of that friend. She taught me how to be myself again. Now she's gone. I'm unemployed. I'm back where I started. Help?

[Zeal]

Hi Robbo,

I’m a 22 year old female, and I also live at home. The only work I do have is babysitting and volunteering. I study psychology full-time. From the age of 17 until I was 20 or so, I struggled with mental illness. I had to pull out of my university courses in both semesters in 2012, which set me back in life. I am finally on track, but have only been doing well for the past year. The years during your teens and early twenties can be really tough, as many aspects of your life tend to change.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel you are able to tell your parents and friends that you’re homosexual. If it’s any consolation, I really like talking to and being friends with gay guys. My dentist, who also happens to be one of the most accomplished dentists in my city, is the reason I am not afraid of the dentist. Just thought I'd say something to lighten the mood! Anyway, I’m going off topic now.

You are under a great deal of internal pressure to keep your true feelings concealed. You do need to find a way to tell the people closest to you about your sexual orientation. Start with your parents. Their religious beliefs may make it harder for them to deal with emotionally, but you are their son, and they hopefully will learn to adjust to this new aspect of you. When your parents are both relaxed and not pressured for time, sit them down and tell them you have been struggling with your identity. Tell them you’ve always wanted to make them proud (if this is true, of course). Say you have known you were homosexual since high school, and have been really worried about telling them.

Be honest and respectful (I’m sure you will be), but if they are quite critical, tell them that this is biologically who you are, and that fighting this part of who you are can lead to mental health problems. It’s great you completed Year 12. Though you haven’t received other qualifications yet, it’s great that you’ve had some experience in an internship. You are actively trying to seek work, so that’s encouraging. Finding a job can be tough, especially when you are shy socially. Seeing a counsellor about your gender identity, and your social shyness could be helpful.

Keep actively applying for jobs if you are able to, and good luck for the future.

Best wishes,

SM

[Zoomah]

That's a hard position to be in. I know a number of religious parents who are supportive of their gay child. They don't agree with it but they are supportive because the Bible has a lot to say about people who judge, forgiveness and love. I'm guessing you don't believe your parents will be supportive. I am not gay but I have struggled with being asexual. It's not the same but talking to my parents was a huge relief for me.

Don't blame yourself for not getting a job. It is really competitive at the moment. A few tips.

1) Don't write your own resume. Get it professionally done. Most states have government organisations and non-profit organisations who will do this for free. PEEDAC is one example for WA. Centrelink should be able to point you in the right direction. These organisations can also help you get free training. They offered me a community services cert 3 for free. 

2) Volunteer. It's the best way to get experience, gain skills, find new career types you might not have thought of, to meet like minded people and get really good references. My best reference is from my fire brigade captain. If you're an adventurous kind of person, try the fire brigade. If you're a caring person, try working with kids or old people. (I find these two groups are great for developing social skills as I don't feel judged) If you want to work in hospitality, offer your skills in a kitchen for a charity.Or offer to help catering staff at an event. And don't cover up any mental illness when talking to the charities. Both the fire brigade and the children's charity I volunteer for try really hard to make volunteering easier for me due to my depression.

A quick google found that people who volunteer have a  27% greater chance of being hired. 

3) Work experience. If you know where you want to work go in for work experience. Sometimes that alone can land you a job. Plus, it breaks that annoying "Can't get a job without experience, get can't experience without a job" cycle that is so deeply embedded in Australia.

4) Type your name into google and see what it says about you. Go through your social media. My dad hasn't hired people based on stupid things they have done and then posted on facebook. Most small business owners will google your name. Find anything you don't like? Either delete it or contact the person who owns the site to remove it. The majority of companies and people are very helpful with this.