How did you realise you were LGBTQIA+?

[sbella02]

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes.

I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable sharing, when did you first realise you were part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

I went to an all-girls school and never really had any contact with boys until I was about 14/15, but I never thought that experiencing attraction to girls was possible for me. When I was probably about 11 or 12, I remember that there was one girl in my class who was new, and I just really wanted to be her friend for some reason. I couldn't explain why, but I just really wanted her to like me and be friends with me. I've now recognised that this is a common experience for closeted queer women.

It wasn't until I was 16 when I first started experiencing feelings towards a girl. I kept asking myself "is this a crush? these are feelings that I usually have towards boys, why am I feeling this towards a girl?". It was a strange time for me as I slowly came to realise that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't straight. I ended up coming out a year or two later to my sister, who is also queer. We had never really discussed our feelings towards the LGBTQIA+ community so didn't know how each other would react. But when one of us expressed our feelings, it was quite a pleasant surprise when the other one did too.

I have since become quite open about my bisexuality. I have a little rainbow in my Instagram bio, I have many queer friends and we all like sharing in our attraction towards hot celebrities and our similar queer experiences. It's interesting that since I've immersed myself in the community, I've become quite enamoured with queer experiences, so much so that I intend to carry this passion into my career, and pursue it as a potential research avenue. I would love to work with children and adolescents in future, and to be able to be an advocate specifically for LGBTQIA+ children and teens would be so fulfilling.

What's your experience of realising your identity? What's your story of coming out? I'd love to hear from fellow Beyond Blue LGBTQIA+ people.

SB

[Trans22]

I first realised that I was part of the LGBTQIA+ community after a psychologist suggested that I may have been "born with a female mind".  This led to my discovering the word "transgender" and that I was/am a trans woman.  About 15 months later, I realised that I was also asexual (another new word for me at the time).  Several months after that I starting suspecting that I might be intersex - extremely high symptom match rate with Klinefelter Syndrome.  I don't see any point to karyotyping this late in my life, so I'm happy to ignore the possibility.  I do wonder why I started learning about intersex a few decades before discovering the word transgender.

After about 3 months of dot-pointing my life story, I realised that was a trans woman who had been suffering gender dysphoria since the age of about 3.  This combine with my failure at being a boy, a man, & even male (abnormal puberty led to my having an adnrogynous body & voice) explained almost everything about my life.  Sadly, the information also led me to blaming myself for the enormous amount of trauma & exclusion that I had to endure.   I think of my coming out and living authentically as a fairy tale - I've never heard a story as amazing as mine.  I've written over 50 pages describing my amazing story but I suppose that the biggest 3 points are (1) I started loving myself, (2) I haven't lost anyone, & (3) I enjoyed passing privilege before starting hormone replacement therapy.  I suspect the latter is due to my abnormal puberty - something that I'm thankful for now. 

[Riggybee]

Hey SB!

I've had a similar experience to you where in early high school there was this girl who I thought was really pretty and I really wanted her to like me for some weird reason, but we never really hung out. Now I'm in yr 10 and there's a girl who's a bit older at school and I think she is the most beautiful person in the world. I actually first really noticed her when I almost ran into her! I really want to tell her I like her, but I dont know how. im pretty sure im mostly attracted to women now but haven't thought about labelling myself atm. it just feels kind of lonely, but it's really nice hearing other people's stories so thankyou

[sbella02]

Hidden Dragon, I can definitely relate to that "light bulb" moment, where all of the projection, denial, and hidden attraction start to make sense. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience of transitioning, which is already a very challenging process but would be made so much more difficult everyone's input and reactions. Sometimes it can be hard to ignore others' perspectives, particularly if we're surrounded by so much negative feedback about ourselves. If you'd be open to moving out of your small town, there are so many more places that would be very accepting of you and your identity, both in Australia and outside of Australia. Do you happen to have any queer/trans friends, or know of anyone who you could talk to? Other trans people in particular may have some really good insights, advice, and words of support to offer you.

[sbella02]

Hey there, thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate your courage in sharing your story here. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with internal phobia, anxiety, and even being a carer would be taxing.

I want to emphasise your final line in your post:

"So that reconfirm to myself that I need not hide but rather its no one elses business." 

There is strength in being able to recognise what you feel that you need to do. Your identity is yours, and it's your choice who you share it with and what you do as a result, and even whether you'd like to involve others or not.

[sbella02]

Trans22, "born with a female mind" is such a beautiful way to describe your identity. There may often be several layers to a trans person's identity, as you've stated - firstly, there is your gender, and then along with that can come the consideration of a new label when it comes to sexuality, which can also change and develop throughout your transition and then again over the course of your life. I'm so glad to hear that you've been able to write about and reflect on your story and what you've learnt, if you ever end up publicising your work I'd love to read it.

Riggybee, how exciting it is to have a crush! There's definitely no pressure to label yourself if you don't feel connected to a particular label. Sexuality is prone to change and development, so sometimes it helps to just exist and not assign yourself to a label. I suppose with regards to telling her, that is entirely up to you, it does depend on her sexuality as well but sometimes it can be difficult to gauge and uncomfortable to ask, particularly if you don't know them well.

We're here for you if you're ever feeling lonely.