Help me understand the "coming out" process

[AzzaFromAdelaide]

Hi all

Im new here, so please go gentle.

I'm a 30 year old male, and I identify myself as Bi Sexual, but for the most part I'm attracted to men.

I'm really struggling to understand the whole Coming Out process. I've been attracted to the same sex for 10+ years, my family and friends don't know I'm bisexual but I also I don't feel I'm living a lie as I have never been asked about my sexuality.

I really don't want to make a big deal of my sexuality but I feel it's holding me back, I'm not after a big celebration. I think I've been waiting for someone to approach me on this, perhaps it shifts the awkwardness if a friend brings up the topic.

Has anyone gone or going through the same situation. I just need some guidance and support.

Much love to you all.

Aaron

[_goldfish_:o]

Hey Azza,

I can understand your situation. To me at least coming out is something that you only do when, if and how you want to and you also don't have to tell everyone. Maybe it might help you if you sat down and had a small conversation with those people you want to tell? If you find the topic awkward you could maybe find a way to have it naturally come up in the conversation? ANyway that's all the advice I have and you can feel free not to take it 🙂 (p.s apologies if I've said anything wrong or inaccurate)

[Sophie_M]

Dear AzzaFromAdelaide,

  Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. This is a safe space to share and express your own feelings, struggles and experiences without judgement.

Warm regards

Sophie M

[OgresHaveLayers]

Hi Aaron,

I am also Aaron. Coming out is a very personal process. There is no hard and fast rule for it. I did it when I was 17 and have never had to hide it since.

I suppose the big question to ask yourself is this, if you don't feel you are living a lie, how is it holding you back?You should never feel pressured to come out or tell anyone. Most decent people will never ask you either, as it is a very personal thing, so it is unlikely someone will approach you at this stage.

Best advice I could give is tell someone you are close to and trust first, then it becomes easier to tell others or conversely a stranger at a bar. Our families are generally the last people we come out to, so do not feel they have to be first.

OgresHaveLayers

[Trans22]

Coming out is really about acceptance and a person may "come out" more than once in their life.  The first step is always about self acceptance - coming out to yourself.   You then start thinking about the who, why, and how of coming out.  For me the who started with my partner and steadily grew over time and ultimately ended up being "potentially everyone".  The why for me was to be able to live authentically, 24x7.  The how was in person conversations at first and it ended up with publicly visible changes - Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.  There are a lot of risks and potential consequences associated with coming out.  Many people never come out, many regret coming out, many come out (differently) more than once in their life.