Blaming the victim (myself)

[Trans22]

This post probably belongs in Trauma & PTSD thread but that space may not be safe for people like me.

I've sought help from many mental health professionals, since Jun-2022, in relation to my complex trauma & CPTSD.  I've heard many comments/suggestions along the lines of "stop blaming yourself" or "shame & guilt are the wrong emotions".  In my case, every element of external trauma in my life can be traced back to my being born different - my "abnormal" sexual biology & my being a trans girl/woman.  I will note that the former has led to my experiencing passing privilege before HRT (someone described this as a "trans god-roll"), but it doesn't even come close to making up for 4 decades of trauma & exclusion.  There is no doubt that I failed at boy/man and my body failed at male.  I've recently discovered that I also failed at sexuality (the AroAce label seems to fit me).

Does anyone have any success stories to share that might help me (to stop blaming myself)?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Trans22, 

Thank you for your post today and your contribution to our community. We hear that you've had a difficult journey to get to this point and you feel a lot of self-blame, but you never know who might read your post and feel less alone in their own experience. Sometimes our inner-critic can label our past experiences as 'failures' but we all do the best we can at the time and it sounds like you have a lot of insight on your past.
 
If you'd like to talk we think that QLife would be an awesome organisation to talk to as they are experts in supporting people as they work through their gender identity. You can call them on 1800 184 527 or check out their webchat. You can of course also give us a call at any time on 1300 22 4636 if you feel like talking to someone. We are here for you, and you don't have to go through this alone. One of Beyond Blue's podcast episode's discusses the idea of the inner critic and how to quieten those negative thoughts: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/not-alone/inner-critic/
 
Thank you again for your courage and for posting in such an articulate way. We hope that there is something that can you on this journey on these forums and that if you choose to call QLife they can help as well. Please feel free to keep us updated on how you are going if you feel comfortable.  

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Trans22]

Thanks for replying Sophie_M.

[Trans22]

I am providing this feedback for others in a similar situation to myself (read 3rd sentence in next paragraph).

I have watched the inner critic video and it doesn't reflect my situation.  The person talks of how things get easier after talking about trauma - the more you talk the better things get.  In late July 2023, my first psychiatrist suggested that I was one of many people whose pain doesn't ease with conversation (he showed me a video example).  Time has proven him correct, the pain I feel hasn't eased despite my attending over 30 sessions (over 23 months) with psychiatrists & psychologists, spending 17 nights in a mental health hospital (private), & using BeyondBlue, LifeLine, QLife, & 1300MHCALL services.  These latter services have helped pull me out of severe depression that I experience whenever triggered about my past.

[Trans22]

I have reached out to Head To Health - preliminary (assessment) appointment completed.