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Community Member


Does anyone identify with this or have some experience with it? To me it makes a lot of sense but.... I dont know.

21 Replies 21

Community Member

Yo Shellz, Howdy:),,,,,

well, i am not asexual, but do find human sexuality is very interesting and does change.

men and women who have sex with same and different sexes and mtf and ftm trans, celibate ppl and androgenous ppl...

 while i consider myself not overly sexual and can go a long time without it, often thinking in my younger years i could be a priest or even go mtf, i now think that hey go with it if thats what you feel comfortable with and want to do.

not everyone have has sex and i know couples that are way happy with it and also ppl that cant do it for health reasons. if you dont want to have kids and it does'nt  interest you its your life to do so as you please. but what interests me is if you are in love what about doing it to please your partner, some probly do even if they get no enjoyment out of it.


but do tell us more if you like it is a very interesting subject, whilst not entirely related to depression and anxiety 



Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there,

I suspect that this is relevant to depression simply because for me difference has been something that has made me feel invisible or isolated, and so has contributed to the depth of the depression and the time it has taken for me to seek help. My experience is that there is not a label that fits comfortably - I go with gay or queer. Gender is too complicated and I don't identify with either if honest. 

Perhaps finding a place to talk and listen is a good step to make. The internet works for me because others around the country town I live in feel uncomfortable with anything other then heterosexual and... 

Thanks for the posts people 🙂 

For reference  DaneSaysYay I have no idea what some of your shorthand means sorry. 

Just so we know that we're all talking about the same thing, asexuality is having sexual attraction to neither sex, right?  That's what I understand it to mean.  You may have romantic or platonic feelings, but no sexual feelings at all.

Community Member

Asexuality means you have little or non-existent interest in relationship or sexual desire with anyone. I'm sure there are many links if you goggle. I use to identify myself with Asexuality. Reason for Asexuality could be cultural, trauma or choice/lack of desire.

For me its trauma and confusion as to who I am. I do want a relationship and experience sexual intercourse including all those things others take for granted like hugging and kissing etc. but I don't have a clue how to interact with others. I was largely in a prison (not law lol but home situation) where I wasn't allowed out much and not allowed to have friends etc. Consequently for me being asexual was by choice but a trauma and it hurts a lot. Anyway, just have to hope things may change. I feel too old now (very late 30s) and it kills me thinking about it. Anyway I'm going to post elsewhere as that why I came here. take care.

Community Member

I think sometimes the problem is that people far to often get fixated on labels such as gay bi trans straight nerd geek jock etc Just be true to yourself and be the best person you can be and don't label yourself.

I would say if you are asexual do you mean you lack sexual desire this can be to a number of reasons from depression to medication or even hormonal imbalance this is something if you find problematic you should discuss with your gp

Community Member

Hey Shellz_22,

i can relate to this quite well, im dealing with the same issue. i struggle with it big time, my partner and i fight all the time about it. because its 'sex' we are fighting over.. it turns me completly off. i thought maybe it was my sexual abuse as a child, then i thought i just dis-liked men because of it, or was i settled into my relationship and got lazy.... but i then realize, im just not that into 'it'. i can go for ages without it and it doesnt bother me. i hate fighting about it and i hate the feeling of 'theres something wrong with me'  (because i know there isnt) and i hate being nagged about it.

anyways, i just thought to share my experience.

A very interesting subject - and one that I can relate to.

After Treatment for prostate cancer 4 years ago, I have been left "unable to" regardless of my sexual orientation.

Sure I still desire a deep, emotional relationship - but who would be interested if impotence stands in the way?

I have chosen a path, which I'm not sure is satisfactory, but at least it removed the depression (in part) caused by the ailment.


That path leads me to keep up the desire to love and be loved... be that by a man or a woman... I desire intimacy, and who knows what may be awakened when that intimacy presents itself?  I guess "I live in hope" which at least is better than "living a life without hope" ... and far less depressing.


I'm wondering, if, as a gay man, there are others who have similar medically-related malaise.... and if there is an organization where this can be openly discussed - who knows where it might lead???   relationship? love? defeated depression?

Community Member

Hey mate, hope the cancer scare is well out the way. I have known guys who the plumbing hasn't quite worked the same (can't go into too much detail) after being treated for prostate cancer - desire still there, but the parts don't quite operate how they used to.  This can be a source of depression, because there are some guys that aren't interested in you if you can't perform "properly" sexually. 

For me I find the older I get, the less important sex is in the overall scheme of things. It's the intimacy and companionship that's more important to me, and sex is just a part of that.