A disturbing truth about how I'm choosing my psychologists

[Ouroboros]

Hello all, I've recently started again to re-examine my mental health after I bout of suicidal thoughts and general feelings of anxiety, depression, panic attacks, triggering memories of some painful experiences.

 I've written somewhere else I'm currently having a long process of choosing a psychologist but I noticed a terrible pattern in my choice but also want to reject it because its comfortable.

 I'm a same-sex attracted male, and always felt more comfortable talking to men in psychological sessions (I've dealt with some absolutely excellent female psychologists and counsellors but I find I am more relaxed in these sessions with men).

Well sadly I often choose my psychologists partially on a physical level based on their attractiveness. I have done the same with doctors in the past. I hate admitting it because it seems ridiculously shallow and its not that I want to pursue any relationship with them or anything like that. But I am finding I'm basing a lot of my opinions on physical appearance.

 I don't know really what to do, I should break this as its probably some behaviour pattern of my personality disorder and they're a surrogate for a relationship I don't have or a White Knight type character. But also I don't trust my own judgement and agency in choosing a psychologist in the first place and I'm finding doctors are not assisting me successfully or I'm perceiving they do not want to help me due to maybe my behaviour and this stupid idea I want some handsome man to save me. Its a ridiculous aspect and not something I'm proud of at all.

 Thank you for being understanding

[Paul]

Hi Ouroboros, Welcome to Beyond blue forums.

Thanks for visiting and sharing what seems like a painful and difficult issue for you.

It's pretty common to choose a healthcare professional of a particular gender because lots of us feel more comfortable discussing some issues with a particular gender. I think that part is universal and commonly accepted for example with a GP no one even gives a second thought if a particular gender Dr is requested - the same could be said for psychologists.

I don't think it's shallow at all to choose a therapist based on attraction. As you mention it could be part of why you are visiting a psychologist in the first place in which case it becomes a chicken and egg situation.

I get the feeling you are pretty distressed about the pattern you have discovered, It's a great thing you actually have discovered a pattern, it means that it's something you can explore and work on. This is something to be proud of, definitely no need to be hating yourself or feeling like you are being shallow, you've learnt a crucial piece of the puzzle that will be of immense help just by way of discovery.

Have you found you feel any different about choosing a therapist since you discovered the pattern?

If you were to find a therapist who wasn't attractive, how do you think you would find the interaction?

Take care Ouroboros, hope to chat soon.

Paul

[Paul]

Hey Ouroboros,

If you are happy to let me know which state you live in, I'll find the number for the GLBTI counselling service where they are extremely happy to offer referrals.

You might also consider the beyond blue hotline - numbers on the top and bottom of the page, they may be able to refer you as well.

Sorry it's such a pain in the rear to find someone to help, I really do understand what it's like. Please don't give up seeking help, as the initial search is worth it.

Contact us here at any time and feel free to let us know a bit more about how you're feeling.

Paul

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Ouroboros,

Welcome, I'm wondering how you are... I can relate to your method of chasing psychologists. I have done that in so many areas of life and then caught myself. Sometimes it works out sometimes I wish I had thought it through more. Paul suggested a gay and lesbian counselling service, I have used the service and found it helped to go somewhere that had an understanding of the issues and that I didn't have to disclose my sexuality because it was a given and part of the self referral. 

Reading your post I giggled because I also tend to buy cloths based on how attracted I am to the mannequin wearing them. This has lead to some unfortunate fashion. 

All the best.

Rob.