21 year old female student at breaking point

[21_act_f_student]

I have no idea what to do anymore and 

how to be? I am a 21 year old female 

i have an autistic brother and a sister with bipolar schizophrenia.

My parents have been controlling my whole life setting goals 

and wanting to achieve something, a career a family etc.

They suggested for 2013 I move in with my 18 year old sister 

land live in apartment with her whilst we both study at the ssame university. 

We often fight at times and have different morals in life, I was concerned

about her sleeping with her supervisor at work enforced my parents and it

all went wrong. My sister told them about my personal life

i have been seeing a bisexual 22 year old man, my parents said to me 

they were disgusted by me and my choices and why I continue to hurt them.

let me clarify I am 21 years old enrolled in masters have a bachelor degree 

started university at 17, whilst having a part time job and part time classes at cit.

I believe I am bisexual, I cried over the phone once trying to tell my mother

I couldn't tell her, she says open how she feels about gay people it's not

normal, disgusting, a bad lifestyle. I never want to hurt my family with seeing a 

bisexual 22 year old man. They can't believe an educated woman would make such a 

stupid decision etc. I also applied for Finland for semester 2 exchange and found on a Friday

night through email I wasn't accepted due to high demand in exchange students. I was crying and 

At that point in life I wanted to kill my self, I was intoxicated from a bar event that night and if I 

hadnt had my bisexual 22 year old man to talk to me I think I would of done something 

incredibly stupid. I'm afraid of my sanity, I never knew what normal is what is crazy, 

due to witnessing the mental break down of my older sister and having an autistic brother.

my parents are giving me two choices 1. Seek medical help, get medicine, figure what mental illness

I have slowly be forgiven by them but they will always remember all the trouble I caused or 

go with the 22 year old man never speak to them, I would be nothing to them. 

I still don't understand why I am being punished for sleeping with a bisexual man and my sister

is sleeping with her supervisor from work and nothing said to her.

Below is the email

Hello Eem

Mum & I want you to break off any kind of relationship you have been having with Male. 

Not only is a risk to your health, as he is a male bisexual, it is stupid and not appropriate. Not something we would have ever expected from you. We are disappointed.

Please delete all your facebook details on him. You posting details reflects badly on the whole family.

If you don’t want to do this and become the person that you should be. Then you are by all means you free to leave the family and the apartment anytime. I will not be financially or other ways supporting you from then onwards. You will be the black sheep of the family.

Over 3 years it cost us over $80,000 to support you and this is the thanks and respect that we get.

I suggest you get health checks and tests as may be required particularly if you had any unprotected sex with a bisexual. Don’t know what s going through your head. As we suggested seek medical counselling as soon as you can, as per our previous email. You may be having early stages of some sort of psychological or other mental health problem. The early you address it the better the outcome. Get to a doctor and get assessment and support.

The future is simple - do the right things, study and work, and you will get somewhere in life.

Concentrate on study and work for now. You said to me that you want to find a guy to settle down when you were here. But you also said some very inappropriate and worrying things when you were here also. We are concerned for you but will not tolerate stupidity and non-compliance to our advise.

I want you to reply to my email (s). You can phone if you wish.

I will be coming there by next weekend to meet and talk to you and A####.

We have quite a few issues to sort out.

I want to see a email reply or phone call very soon.

[giggles]

Hello breaking point

Well reckon you must know we have all been there for some reason and we are all still here sharing our stuff.

Since I do not know what information you have gained so far there is something that I would like to share that has made a huge difference to my life and how to deal with family dynamics.When I first learnt about it it did my head in but now that I know how to connect quicker to the process it really does sort out just whos feelings i am trying to please in life. This is a life time process so I have learnt that I need to be vigilant in my routines because I am not going to be happy 24/7.

It takes work everyday we just do not think that way.

Anyway you will probably be able to access this information over the internet or on this site through someone else possibly reading this will let us know.

But we have our feelings about things but we also have our emotions.Learning the difference between the two can teach that most of the time we are reacting to a feeling that we do not possess so the conflict and anger we feel is actually our true emotion telling us something is up. Our job is to connect to ourselves first not anyone else. How can you possibly keep all those family members happy with their expectations of you. As it has been said you are doing wonderfully in your academic pursuits have you ever seen or felt that the family is not actually in control of who you are or even what you are.

You are still here reaching out and good on you I say because that took courage it is a very worthy attribute.

I suggest to look at meditation  so you can see sometimes what your life can be like in a relaxed state compare it to what you have at the moment and start making small changes  to see if you feel a differently if you do then thats your sign to start moving in a different direction to your families beliefs.

I have learnt it is not about others changing it is more about me changing and I have actually stopped seeing some of my family because I realized it was actually impossible for them to understand who I am and what I enjoy doing.

Did you actually want to be a student? It is a wonderful basis for anything though because of the discipline you need for learning something and applying it.

All the best and keep up the good stuff your doing.