Worry about my 2 little girls.
I'm Asurazzy. I've been married with my husband for a year. I inherited 2 little girls from his previous relationship 10 yo and an 8 yo. We also have a 3.5 months old baby girl together. He is a very good husband and father and I could never been so blessed by having 3 beautiful daughters.
We have joint 50-50 custody with the 2 girls birth mother, switching about 3 days between homes. The homes distances are quite near. The 2 girls birth mother claimed to suffered from depression and claimed the disability for it. Several times she threaten to kill herself in front of the childern and upset them. She tries to manipulate the childern emotion and it causes them big stress especially to the eldest one.
We reported her to the police and my husband told me he already reported her to the child service but nothing can be done because there is no court order. So many times I asked him to fight in court for full costudy. My husband said it will be futile, it will cost a lot of money, the long court process will damage the girls and at the end it will go back to 50-50 status quo costudy. He just want to wait until the 2 girls come to age to decide themselves with whom they want to stay full time.
This morning I send the girls to school, in the afternoon they will have to go back to their birth mother's house and will not go back to us until Saturday morning. I can see clearly the eldest one try to hide her stress, worry and pain in her eyes. She was very uneasy.
I am overcome by guilt as if I send both of them to suffer. In my head I was thinking until when we have to wait?? Do we need something really bad happened to them to take action? If something bad ever happened to those 2 girls I can not forgive myself or my husband knowing that there is possibility we can prevent that but we chose not to.
I have another worry that their birth mother also likes to claim that the childern are sick so she can keep on treating them. She claimed the girls have asthma, near sighted, appendicitis, measles, etc. In her house she always pump antibiotics and medicines.
I am feeling so helpless...I feel I'm just their fathers wife, it's their dad that have the last say. I love the girls so much, they are my girls as well. They are innocent kind souls. Staring at my baby 3.5 months girl sleep soundly here always make me think of them hoping that they will always be allright and safe in the other house.
I don't know what to do.
Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here. I'm really grateful that you're thinking about and advocating for your daughters - it sounds like they are incredibly lucky to have you as a mother.
I too am very concerned about their birth mother, and it does sound like they are being abused, either emotionally or for unnecessary medical treatment.
You said in your post that you both have 50-50 custody; how was that arranged?
While the laws vary in each state, I want to post a couple of links for you and see if this can help -
The first website has a drop down box for each state, and each state has a helpline you can ring for free advice (no need for any commitment).
The second website also has an advice line that's free (and confidential) too. If you scroll down there you can see the fees, but it also talks about financial hardship options which links here -
I hope that this is helpful to you and not too overwhelming! While I completely see why you would feel helpless I encourage you to keep advocating for your little girls.
Thank you very much for your information and the links, we will definitely looking into that. I made that post around midnight because I couldn't sleep and couldn't stop thinking about my 2 girls. I felt like I really need help.
We are living in NSW. The 50-50 arrangement were made before I even met my husband. Monday-Tuesday (us), Wednesday -Thursday-Friday (her), Saturday-Sunday (us), Monday-Tuesday (her), Wednesday-Thursday-Friday (us), Saturday-Sunday (her) and so on.
I discussed that I posted this plea in this beyond blue forum with my husband. He said what he fear the most is to lose the girls. His ex always use this fear to control him before my husband met me. He is worry also because he thinks that the family law is very injustice towards fathers and always takes sides with birth mother. Doesn't matter how good and caring you are as a father the law will lean towards the birth mother no matter how manipulative and harmful she is.
We just want the best for our girls and to have them safe with good well being and happiness.
I told my husband it is not my intention to put any pressure on him, I just ask him to seek professional help and advices to analyze our situation.
Thanks for your post and it's good to hear back from you.
That sounds like a confusing 50-50 arrangement in my view! Was that arrangement made by your husband and their birth mother, or was their a third party involved?
I completely see where your husband is coming from, and I can only imagine the fear in losing your daughters to their birth mother. At the same time though, this isn't just about wanting your daughters to be with you, but needing them to be with you for their own wellbeing and safety.
One thing that may be useful if it does go to court is to try and gather some evidence. The only reason I'm saying this (even though it feels so harsh to say) is because showing the courts the harm (such as pumping unnecessary antibiotics) is going to show them that your daughters aren't being provided with the best care.
I hope that you find the links helpful. Maybe the first step could just be getting some information about your options and what's available for you, and then seeing where to go from there.
All the best