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wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

sandokan
Community Member
went to work three months ago on a friday morning, came home to an almost an  empty house and my wife had left. Have since been told by her she has met someone 4 years ago and is with him and wants a divorce. I cant believe after 16 years of marriage she has gone and taken my life with her including my only child our 16 year son. I am so in shock and cannot face the world and just don't know how to get back up and live without her. I have nothing left in me i go to work and come home to an empty house and i am a real homebody and do not have any friends everything we did was with her family.
16 Replies 16

Neil_1
Community Member

Dear Sandokan

Thank you for reaching out to Beyond Blue, coming here and providing us with your post.

I can't imagine how heart-breaking this must be for you - and that you've been battling through this for the last 3 months - what, by yourself??  As in, you indicated that you don't have many friends?   What about your own family??   Are they close by?

When you say, empty house - has she pretty much up and taken almost everything??

Now I'm not overly into legal technicalities - I know we've definitely got one poster on here who should be able to advise about this - but at what age can a child decide who they would rather live with?  To me that is a massive thing to take things out of the house, as well as your son and herself and not even say anything beforehand?  

What support have you tried for yourself over the last couple of months or so?   Have you been to a GP?   I think in this instance counselling of some kind would be very beneficial, not only for your own mental health, but also some kind of advisement for how to approach the legal side of things.

I really do hope you can post back again soon,

Neil

 

--Danny--
Community Member

Hi sandokan, if u need support...I will try my best..

i just don't know how to get on with my life i'm so alone and in shock.

sandokan
Community Member
i have spoken with a councilor friend and she has said take one day at a time - but my life has no meaning anymore i' m lost

CrashCoyote
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear Sandokan,

As our good friend Neil has mentioned, thank you for reaching out to us.

I am twice divorced so have no good advice to give you on relationships, but I was a policeman for a long time and maybe it is me to whom Neil refers for advice. If it isn't, tough, here it comes anyway!!!!

My advice is based on my experience, not law enforcement. Policing deals with criminal law. This is Family Law. They sometimes cross but not so much.

First of all, I imagine that you understand that you cannot force your wife to come back. Right or wrong, fair or not, she has made her choice and I can only presume she thought about it long and hard, given the admission of the four year relationship.

I am a father, too. I am also imagining it is the situation with your son that is causing you the most heartache. (Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.) Is your relationship with him good? Of course, he will be struggling with this, too.

Are you able to see him? Is he still geographically close? Would she be against you seeing your son? I think the answers to these questions will help you determine whether you need a (very expensive but sometimes invaluable) Family Law specialist. Your son is two years off being an adult, so it is unlikely a Court will be able to force him to see you (or not) contrary to his own wishes.

Mate, divorce is always tough. Keep posting. I'll join the others here and watch out for your posts.

Kind regards, John.

 

Would be pretty hard for ya mate...can u still have regular contact with your son? Have u been to the doctors & told them how u feel? They might be able to get u more support..u have a whole new bunch of mates here now mate..talk to us about anything...stay strong for your son mate!! 

my son tends to be very quiet and shy and not really say a lot. I have also realized she has been getting my son to lie to me about what has been going on and he appears to be really upset about this. He has my mobile number i have told him to ring me when he wants to, but have left it up to him due to my ex putting pressure on him to lie.

Have not heard from her or my son now for a bout 3 weeks and i am trying to move on but can't stop thinking about her and what she is doing, I don't what to be alone but have not had to date for over 17 years now and can;t even face going out by myself.

Hi mate, just pick up the phone & call your son..don't lose contact with him...he will appreciate it..especially when his parents are in this situation...your son can be your best mate 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Sandokan, I can't say how sorry I am for you, because I have been through this myself about 2 or 3 times, where my wife (ex) took the two boys and left while I was working, and to come home and no one was there.

The feeling leaves a big hole in your heart and your gut drops a million miles.

Was there any indication that she was seeing this guy 4 years ago, or whether your son had known.

There is every chance that your wife has changed the sim card on your son's phone, which makes it even more difficult to cope with.

Can I ask you a question, and please don't answer this if you don't want to, but would you take her back considering that this has been going on for awhile.

After we have been married for so long then how do we date again, it's a big hurdle to overcome and it can be done but with a bit of stipulation and a little help, or you can be like myself and just have a dog to be a close friend. Geoff.