Why do some Partner's throw away a broken Partner for someone in better condition?

[Guest_3256]

Hi all.

I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints.

I have noticed that there seems to be a trend in the replies of others when it comes to relationships issues. Obviously depending on ones relationship circumstances, I'd like to get peoples opinions on why so many partners are able to through in the towel and look for alternative options, rather than working with their partners to build a better relationship.

• Why do some partner's throw away a broken partner for someone in better condition?

Best wishes,
Jsua.

🙂

[Juliet_84]

This is just my opinion but I imagine that it can be quite hard for someone dealing with a partner with a mental condition or depression. Life really is what you make of it, and some people can see the bright, funny side in things and some people can look at the same things and see the bad in it. I know that always makes me feel better compared with someone who who always sees the negative. I think that over time it can wear you down. We can all lose sight of the fact that life is short and you only get one go at it. I think that people should ultimately be with a person who makes them happy, and don’t begrudge people for trying to find that.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

yes, Juliet has a good point. I also think that modern times people are very different to people 60 years ago, now many are self-centred and aren’t fully committed. Divorce prior to 1970 was rare and you had to attend court to prove you had a valid reason.

Another factor is a carers inability to relate to a mental illness therefore giving up is an easier way out.

Finally,some partners are not capable of caring for a mentally ill person. We the mentally and unwell can’t walk a mile in their shoes just like they can’t in ours. Perhaps we have too many expectations?

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Jsua

What an interesting question. Juliet and Tony have offered interesting insights.

very case is different so you can not make generalisations.

f feel that everyone is different and I would ask why do people stay for so long at the risk of their own health before leaving to look after their own needs.

I do not see it as throwing away another but sometimes people who are caring become so sick they can not cope anymore.

Just my thoughts. what do you think? There are two sides two every stories.

quirky

very case is dfifferent.

[Deckt]

For a slightly different perspective? We live in a disposable society. People have phones that work just fine, but a new model comes out that is marginally better? Toss the old one, get a new one. If an appliance breaks, don't repair it. Toss it and get a new one.

It affects people too. My partner is not 100% perfect? Guess what?

There's a reason that happiness levels are going down.

[quirkywords]

Interesting perspectives. I wonder if the way we respond to this thread is in some way influenced to our past experiences.

[Foxy_82]

I think everyone is different and certainly every relationship is different. You can go months and sometimes even years trying to fix a relationship, but if the toxic nature of it continues or in some cases gets worse, then you just need to walk away.

Even that to an extent is most certainly hard for a person to do. Some people leave a relationship and never get into another, or it takes them an extremely long time to do so.

If you're in a relationship, where the other person isn't trying or doesn't want to get help themselves, how can a broken relationship be fixed ? 😞

[Juliet_84]

Hi quirky words,

I think you hit the nail on the head there, I think our perspective is very much shaped by our past experiences. For example, I stayed with my ex partner for a very long time in misery, constantly being worn down, criticized, everything wrong and not much of a kind work or affection. and I know that he felt as though I discarded him and “quit”. But who is really the person who “quits”, the one that tries for years but can’t take it any more, or the person who never tried in the first place. I certainly felt as though I put a lot more work into treating him nicely and kindly during the relationship, but to him I was the “quitter”. Sometimes you can cut yourself to pieces on a broken person.

[Betternow]

I’m not sure I agree with your original premise Jsua. While I readily agree that some relationships are definitely doomed and a split is a sensible outcome, I’m also astonished at the some of the bleak cases where posters are seeking advice to maintain and improve the relationship.

I also support several other comments that our attitudes are formed by our personal experiences. If you think about it logically, it would be a strange world if we weren’t formed by our experiences. It is a biological imperative for the survival of species.

For example, I had a painful experience with an unfaithful wife many years ago that has definitely coloured my advice and response to marital infidelity. In fact, in an effort to maintain impartiality I have been referenced as too lenient on the unfaithful partner.

I doubt whether human beings are much different now than one hundred years ago in matters of the heart and relationships.

[AlwaysForgotten]

While I do agree with what some of the people have said here, I think many are missing a very core component that is not affected quite as much by personal experience.

Some people are simply selfish. Whether this is intentional or they are just wired to always think of themselves before others, I think we can all agree that regardless of experience, you will find selfish people no matter how good or bad they have been treated. Even the rare case where someone who has been treated bad decides to "put themselves first", you find more often than not they cant keep doing this as selfless people just cant force themselves to be something they are not for long.

So to answer your question, I think there are some people who would rather wipe the slate clean & try again with someone new, than put the effort in to make something they have work. Honestly I think this is a reflection of their character. It shows that they didn't care for the person because of who the other person was, but only what they got out of it. You can often see this quality when people break up. When one side becomes nasty or indifferent, rather than still remaining respectful even after you are no longer together.

Having said all that, there is a gray area here. It isn't always easy knowing exactly when enough is enough, or when you have tried everything you can and have no choice but to make a drastic change. Often it isn't easy to tell when this point is.

One rule of thumb that I would use is whether the person has tried everything they can before choosing to end things, whether they honestly & genuinely tried & whether the other person was receptive and willing to try in return. With this in mind you can often tell who is selfish & who just cannot do it any more.

Now if only we had a way of working out which type a person is before we get into a relationship with them... sadly it isn't so easy to tell and I have found selfish people have developed a great "game face" to attract people in the beginning, after all, because they walk away so often, they have to develop a good way of hooking the next person.