Why am I feeling I can't cope with kids and household

[Viahanne]

I'm really struggling to understand myself. I'm getting upset with my kids and husband over the smallest things. I feel I have anxiety when we are close to being late for school drop off and I just cry. I can't keep up with the house cleaning and I can't let it go. I'm getting angry with my 10 year old because I feel like I'm constantly having to repeat myself on simple daily routine like eat your breakfast and pack your bag! I understand prep is such a tiring and new thing for my son but why do I have to argue with him to put his hat in his bag?! Or that he is capable of grabbing his jocks from his drawer himself?! My husband works away sometimes and those are the days I struggle the most with my two year old as he constantly wants to cuddle me especially while I'm trying to cook dinner. He gets angry if I'm not the one to pour him a cup of water. I work and have returned back to study. My husband is a great provider but I get so mad with him when he does everything for our 5 year old. He will sleep with his in his room because my son doesn't want to sleep alone. i feel so stupid ranting about silly little things that are probably what everyone faces but why does it bother me so much? My husband wants me to seek help but by the time he gets back from work I'm going to be back to happy again.. so I thought I could try here while I'm still trying to calm myself down from this mornings episode. I feel horrible for making my daughter upset from me breaking down. She's such a good kid. I don't want her to feel the way I do when she grows up. My kids are everything to me and I feel like I'm failing them as a mother. Why can't I just fill their water bottles without losing my shit that they weren't on the kitchen bench when I go to wash them? It's not like I can't just grab them out of their bags myself... I'm being so dramatic and I'm so embarrassed

[TBella]

Welcome Viahanne

Thank you for having the courage to share.

Can I assure you that you are like many other woman, over worked & stressed giving out all the time & left with an empty tank. So no need to feel silly or embarrassed.

From what I read you sound very similar to me. It turned out that my hormones were out of balance. I was always angry & teary, felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't even stand to be around myself sometimes & I had to hide in my room till it past at times, so I wouldn't bite everyone's head off.

Can I suggest you go to your Doctor & explain what's been happening & how you feel, ask for your hormone levels to be tested. If the test reveals your hormones are out of balance, you can get them back to normal with diet, supplements/vitamins & finding a way to de stress. Your doctor can give you the info you need. Also books from library on balancing hormones is helpful.

If your test comes back ok & hormones are not out of balance you can then discuss with your doctor about it possible being depression/anxiety or something else. It's very common to experience anxiety with hormone imbalance & if your on some forms of contraception.

I hope this is helpful for you.

Kind Regards

TBella

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hi Viahanne and welcome to BB forums,

No need to be embarrassed. And you are not ranting, I've sure felt exactly the same, many times, and I don't have as many kids as you. You sure have a lot going on, it is no wonder that you are feeling like this. Sometimes they just know what buttons to press, hey. It is easy to see why the old saying 'count to ten' came to be.

You know all the 'stuff', but you still feel like this. I don't know the answer. But I do know that you are trying to be the best parent you can be. You will keep repeating yourself. They will keep pressing your buttons. That is their job, I guess.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Does it help to know and accept that this is how it is. That they will grow up knowing right from wrong and appreciating what they have. You are instilling the values you feel are important. It doesn't feel like you are achieving this, but it is normal to have to repeat and 'nag' in order to get things through. It only seems like mundane things, but these things often have bigger ethics and morals behind them.

It seems as if your husband is very supportive. He helps with the kids and is mindful of how you are feeling. So it is a lack of his presence and support that leaves you feeling like this, which is understandable. Maybe you feel you can't cope with it all on your own, or maybe you just feel lonely. Whatever the cause, you would feel better if something changed.

Perhaps it might help to read up on parenting websites. There may be different strategies and tactics you can use to make the morning prep work for you. You can make a reward type game, or just find different ways to approach things or direct the kids differently. Psychology and reverse psychology etc. Give the older kids some responsibility with the younger ones.

Make sure you find some time for you. It is healthy to have something to look forward to just for yourself. You mention studying, but this can be a double-edged sword. I hope you enjoy it, then it can be beneficial in many ways. If it puts too much stress on you, it can ,'break the camels back', then perhaps that time would be better spent on something that is purely enjoyable.

Hopefully you feel better for getting it out, and maybe will find something to help you feel better. There is always support here on the forums.

[Viahanne]

Thanks TBella, I do think my hormones might be out of balance as last year we had an unplanned pregnancy which I chose to terminate as emotionally I didn't think I would be able to cope and now I'm on the implanon which I've never been on before. i have great support from my mother in-law who helps me with the kids but I find when I am alone at home I'm not productive. I have no motivation nor energy to do anything and it makes me more down. My husband has said to me that when he gets back he will book us in to a doctor even if I'm in a happy mood again as he doesn't know what to do when I go into this mood. Hopefully that will help. I think the hardest part for me is seeking help. I always want to be help everyone else but it's hard for me.

[kanga_brumby]

Viahanne your not out on your own where you are. When my partner was alive I had to clean cook look after two kids to get off to school / kinda at the same time. Plus look after her with her disability. So I realise what you are going through. Its not easy trying to tell the kids they can manage some of the stuff themselves. Especially when your partner has no reference to go by oon what is expected of them or the children. You are doing a fantastic job with the children, keep it up. In time it will get easier, not right now but it will in time.

Kanga

[CMF]

Hi Viahanne and welcome,

Sorry you feel this way. You sound exactly like me so you are definitely not alone and no different to the rest of us so don't be too hard on yourself :-). I think the others have summed up exactly what i was going to say but i wanted to add that i agree with the hormone imbalance. i had mine tested last year as i was suffering more anxiety than usual, was moody, tired and downright grumpy - yelling at everyone and losing patience over the smallest thing. My hormones were way out of wack, my estrogen levels were very high. Another thing to look at is your iron and vitamin d and B levels. Magnesium is also good for stress.

A trip to the DR would be the way to go. A good chat to your gp and a simple blood test is all you need.I'm so glad you have a supportive husband who is committed to helping you.

Baby Steps

[TBella]

Sounds like a good idea going to the Dr, when your husband gets back.

It is good that you have support from your husband & mother in law- it makes the world of difference when you have support.

it sounds like you have been through a lot in past few years. Perhaps your are also experiencing some grief- it can often manifest itself in bodies, fatigue, feeling overwhelmed etc. I am sure talking to your Dr will help point you in the right direction.

I wish you the best & hope to hear how you're doing in the near future.

Kind Regards

TBella

[Viahanne]

Thanks baby steps! So good to know.. Not that you experienced it but to know that I'm not the only one! I will defiantly talk to my doctor about getting tested for my hormones..

I'm feeling much better this afternoon.. But I know I still need to seek advice from my doctor. I'm feeling exhausted from all he crying I did this morning :,( I'm determined to get my head in the right space and I think this was a great place to start where people could understand and relate to me so thank you all for the chat. Greatly appreciated! x

[CMF]

great to hear you feel a bit better. Come back anytime you feel you need to.

Baby S

[Jane_Doe]

For your 10 year old: type a list of what THEY need to do to prep for school & put it on the fridge. This, is not your job-- it is theirs & they need to get their own stuff on board. He screws up, he suffers for it & must do better next time. Really.

At 10 years old I was a latch-key kid who fed myself breakfast, got my school stuff together, went to the bus, went to school, came home & did homework & did my chores-- all before my parents came home from work. This, was in the 1960's. My mother left us a list & we did it.

Your 2 year old needs to be taught his position in the "pecking order". You're doing no favour to him by attending his 2 yr old needs as if they are reasonable. Cuddle when it's convenient to YOU.

Your husband- I don't care what he does for a living- MUST follow whatever rules YOU set out so they stick when he is not there. He must NEVER do anything that YOU cannot do on your own--that sets a precedent you cannot fill & the only reason HE CAN is because YOU are doing all of the rest at that time. On his own, your husband would be even let capable-- so feel good about that.

Not sure on your daughter, not enough detail. All I can say is that I had a son 5 yrs older than his sister. He was fine, she is a gypsy. At 17, I'm still figuring her out & trying to instill confidence.

Imho.