When someone who helped you becomes distant

150lashes · ‎02-05-2016

Good evening

I've posted this in staying well, as I've over the worst of my condition at present and using strategies to keep well. But really this could relate to anyone in life at any stage of their Journey.

What do you do if someone you trusted, that helped and supported you during your illness all of sudden becomes really distant from you?

I can't see its because I'm unwell and a burden, because I'm now quite well. I can't see its because I'm overly needy or reliant upon them because I'm not.

I don't know the reason, and it's disappointing. I don't know whether to ignore it and just go on with my life and forget they exist, OR whether to approach them and ask what's going on?

I don't know! I have so much going on in my life, I really don't need this and just wish people where honest with their feelings.

feelings..

blondguy · ‎07-05-2016

Hey 150...I find it strange...and being a health professional she could have communicated with you even a little.

I know you have emailed her which is great....do you have her cellphone number? Communication in a gentle form looks like the only way to go....Maybe she is ill?...Sounds like she is keeping her distance for whatever reason she has for doing so.

Call her...you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Sorry I couldnt help you anymore 150

Paulx

150lashes · ‎07-05-2016

Thanks Paul and Lazykh for your comments. I'm actually quite confused by a bit of what was written there.

I've already emailed and said thanks and apologised if it's something I've done.

I don't actually understand and I'm kind of over spending time thinking about it.

I can't see anything wrong that I've done, so it's clearly all on her side to sort out with herself.

I think there's nothing wrong with just been honest and saying what's the problem. I guess I'm a more upfront person that others.

Anyway I'm moving on from it. That's it from me.

Thanks all 🙂

pipsy · ‎08-05-2016

Hi 150lashes. I have to agree with Lazykh on this one. If she's allowed the relationship between you to become personal, then, yes she has overstepped the boundary. Having said that, I feel she should at least tell you, it's not your fault, rather hers for allowing it to happen. When we have Dr's that make us feel good about ourselves and we meet them outside the practise, being able to acknowledge them is great. However becoming friends with them on a personal level is a no-no. My Dr is able to keep the boundary between us to the point of recognizing me as a patient if we do meet outside the practise. I know he would never allow us to become personal friends, because it would compromise both of us. I think under your circumstances, I would be inclined to let sleeping dogs lie rather than pursue your quest.

Lynda.

150lashes · ‎08-05-2016

I'm confused.

My friend isn't my GP.

She just happens to be a doctor but I don't see her professionally

pipsy · ‎08-05-2016

Hi 150lashes. It seems we're confused. The way your post read, it appeared you had been seeing this person professionally. I'm sorry for the confusion. Perhaps your friend feels that by continuing the friendship (while/if you're being treated by another professional) is overstepping the boundaries. I know if a Dr/therapist pulls the pin because either the sessions are not helping, or the professional is getting too attached, the professional with often re-refer the patient to another therapist/Dr. Maye you were getting too confused between the therapist you're seeing professionally and your friends' emotional support, and your friend felt the confusion was overshadowing your general well-being. It could be your friend felt you were too reliant on her for it to be healthy emotionally. There could many reasons why your friend has stopped communication. Perhaps it might be better for you to just continue seeing your therapist and just wait till or if your friend re-establishes contact. You've emailed her and heard nothing back, there's not much else you can do except wait and see if she does contact you. If she does contact, hear her out at least, don't write her off till you know the story.

Lynda.

Lazykh · ‎11-06-2016

Mmm, I made the same mistake as Lynda. Sorry 150. I think Lynda's got some good suggestions. Anything could be going on and we aren't going to be able to guess it. It might have nothing to do with you at all. I've lost touch with people because of illness in family, moving, having kids. All kinds of things. Sometimes it leaves you feeling 'gee, he/she could have let me know' (annoyed) or 'is that how little our friendship meant?' (spurned) or just plain sad. But there isn't a whole lot you can do about it.

Having said that, I still lament losing one childhood friend. We just drifted apart. She went to a private school and I a public one, she did sport and I did drugs... (mind you not the hard stuff that kids these days use!!!) You know, all that sort of stuff. I did try to reconnect and she snobbed me. For once I started thinking that I didn't know exactly what it was that made her choose to ditch me, but I think it was for the best!!!

Probably my ramblings are not much consolation today...

Lazykh