When life gives you lemons, finding a way to the lemonade...

Bettyboo333 · ‎01-01-2019

Hi,

I'm 36, and a working mother to 3 children. Their father and seperated 5 years ago due to a long history of drug use on his side. I have had ups and downs with addiction but have managed to overcome these through the years. His, however i could no longer help with, and i suffered years of emotional abuse in the relationship from when it began at age 17. I was able to move away from the chaos and study and follow a career and take care of myself and 5he children with support of friends and family. I then met and married 3 years ago and now have 2 step children.

My husband and i have had a rough start to our marriage. I had an emergency hysterectomy in the beginning which he stepped up and moved in to take care of me and help with the children. This fueled anger with my ex and a bitter custody battle took place. My ex continues to struggle with his addiction and attempts to turn the children against me, for moving on with another man.

During this time i also had two very dear loved ones pass away. One of which was my father in law which has had a lasting impact on my husband. My husband has also had instability in his career and recently followed a new path at the age of 41.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression since i was formally diagnosed at 15yrs of age. My panic attacks are at times debillatating is is the depression and my husband struggles to help. Over the past 2 years i have began experiencing sleep paralysis which is the most frightening thing I've ever beenthrough.

In the past i have seen professionals who at times have helped but find i am very time and financially constrained with these methods.

I'm entering a new phase of my career this year and studying a Bachelor of phsycholgical sciences at uni to help others and myself ofcourse.

My biggest worry is juggling motherhood, being a wife and working at the same time, while maintaining my own sanity.

I spend most ofthe time feeling nimb to what is around me, walking through the motions of the day just trying to maintain order within our family dynamic..

I've had issues with addiction in the past which is why Id like to ellaborate on my title...

When life gives you lemons, and you cannot have teliqua haha, how to you find a way to enjoy the lemonade and not wind up with it spilling everywhere and ruining your new dress?

Thank you for your thoughts 🤗

white knight · ‎01-01-2019

Hi, welcome

Well it seems clear to me that you are indeed juggling with maybe too many aspects of your life. So here are my thoughts

you ex demonising you will not impact long term on your child. When made aware of this from your child dont get angry or revengeful. State facts then leave the subject. Keep conversations with him to a minimum until he changes then reopen communication about your children on a better level.
Can you divide you bachelor studies to take it over a longer period?
Can you children be given added responsibilities?
Can you do part time work?
Google these-

Beyondblue Topic burn out

Beyondblue Topic be radical

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic camping

TonyWK

Bettyboo333 · ‎02-01-2019

Thanks White knight!

I appreciate your feedback and will look into the reading suggested.

Am having a downer day, what was supposed to be a lovely getaway with just hubby and myself. I tried to talk to him about what I've been struggling with. Now I'm exhausted and he feels like i was attacking him because i get so frustrated that he doesn't say much. Now we just have awkward silence. Great start to trying to get support for what I've been holding in...

white knight · ‎02-01-2019

Hi again bettyboo

We are sensitive beings. My wife and I constantly say "its not a criticism of you" and "I dont mean to hurt you." During our discussions to avoid upset.

But equally important is regular praise and injection of a smile or giggle.

If those balances are out, to the negative, you both will fall in a pit.

We have developed a technique to handle upsets. A very important thread to read

Google - beyondblue Topic relationship strife - the peace pipe

And more reading, but the one above could save lots of heartache IF you both commit to the concept.

Google- beyondblue Topic embracing the embracer

TonyWK

Juliet_84 · ‎02-01-2019

My dear, you are quite the survivor aren’t you?! I don’t think you give yourself anywhere near enough credit, you have battled drug addiction, an emotionally abisive relationship from a young age, suffered an emergency hysterectomy, are raising 5 children, and have managed to study and follow a career. Any one of those things alone could break some people, but you have come out the other side.

You’re not entirely there yet, but I have every faith that you will be. I think you need to be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can, but I think white knight is correct, you are juggling way too many aspects in your life. You need to emotionally distance yourself from your ex, time has proven that he is a bad influence on you and you don’t need any derailing presence in your life. It’s ok to be selfish sometimes, and I think now is one of those times. I think you need to put your study first for a bit, for you. Part of being a partnership is standing up when your partner needs you, and I think your partner needs to do this with the kids for a time to help you. It’s a big commitment when someone studies, but it’s a family commitment, not just yours. I think you need to ask for what you want as well. Kids need a happy mother who is fulfilled, not someone who sacrificed all their hopes and dreams.

There’s an expression, “when you’re going through hell, keep going” and I think it’s fitting in this instance. Keep going Bettyboo333, I for one am cheering for you 🙂 xx

Bettyboo333 · ‎03-01-2019

Thank you Juliet 84

You're right and i do try and remember how far i have come, and that is why I'm trying to deal with finding a way to not let my relationships overwhelm me.