when is it enough

[Mortho]

I think just writing something down helps me feel better.  so here goes.  when is it time to say enough. some weeks he puts me through hell i spend hours talking him through his negative thoughts until he comes out the other side,   i feel like i’m constantly running on empty and am always being positive and supportive of him.   I do tell him some times it’s to much and i need a break and he says he knows he’s a lot and leans on me for to much all the time.  But he never seems to let up i’m so mentally and emotionally drained.  some days i hate him and i don’t want to feel that way about him. it’s been a very hard 12 months and i thought once he came out of hospital after 5 weeks things would he better and things have improved he is working every day and we are socializing again which is great.  But then he spends all our time together over analyzing how every one else is better than him, how people at work are smarter.  I just want my husband back and i’m so angry at this mental illness for taking him away from me.  I know it’s a long road to get better but it’s wearing me down. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

With most mental illnesses the sufferer has a carer whether officially or unofficially. These carers arent usually train medical staff so, any wonder they burn out quickly and cant unravel the mind of their partner without it becoming taxing to them also.

I think his dwelling, unable to move on, internal conflict and low self esteem are areas that need professionals to address. The problem you have is that even with this professional input he is likely to still continue talking about the topics you mentioned. It is like a never ending pit. While we can conclude that it isnt his fault, that is no comfort to you.

So it is important for you to remove yourself from any stretched out conversation and also important that he accepts that and proactively makes the transition to replacing some of those draining hours into happy/fun activities together. Planning these activities might be a big step forward as he will be distracted. Suggest he write down topics that come into his mind during the day and over a cuppa in the evening you discuss them for 30 minutes. Set a timer!! Then switch mindsets!

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/switching-mindsets/td-p/274532

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/do-you-ramble-on-a-talker-of-mental-illness-all-the...

TonyWK