What is a romantic relationship?

[Rogger]

Ok, I know this sounds like a stupid question, let me elaborate. In both my personal experiences and media that I've consumed, romantic relations are something to be, for lack of a better term, romanticised. They are held in a much higher regard than mere friendships or even family relations in some situations, with people describing them as their "other half". However, this made me curious, I understand that marriage is a bit different, but at least in terms of boyfriend/girlfriend, I personally struggle to understand how this is fundamentally different from a friendship. 

I understand that in mostly physical relationships, partners might be little more than acquaintances, but in a romantic relationship, wouldn't your boyfriend/girlfriend be essentially just a friend who you are attracted to, and who is also attracted to?

[tmas]

It can feel that way while dating, like they're just a best friend you have physical attraction to, though it is different in some ways (particularly if you're serious/long-term). And I do believe that a part of that feeling of it being "more" is to do with the social understanding of romantic relationships.

From my personal experience, there's something far more vulnerable in a romantic relationship. Physical intimacy (if there is that element, some people are asexual though have romantic attraction - maybe they'd have something interesting to say) is inherently quite vulnerable, though obviously this is dependent on intention. This is also part of why intimacy with romantic intentions is quite different from hook-ups.

All I can really think is that I know many people who have strong friendships without issue, but self-destruct under the gaze of someone who cares for them romantically. I live with a romantic partner, and it's definitely different than any friendship, and the intentions I've had in this relationship mean it's different from even other romantic relationships I've had. We are great friends in a way, but it's a little different.

[livi_mivi]

Hey Rogger, 

That is a really interesting and thought provoking question and I'm sure other individuals might have their own assigned meaning/definition of a relationship. From my perspective, similar to tmas, I think that relationships have the fundamental roots of a friendship. It involves a connection, vulnerability, loyalty, respect, commitment, trust and love/affection etc. However, I believe that all of these qualities, with the addition of deep intimacy, attraction and an established level of commitment (which can be subjective to a relationship) is what really separates the two from one another. Kind of like the idea of loving someone being different to being in love with someone. 

I hope this helps! 

[geoff]

Hello Rogger, in any relationship, friendship or living together there is one thing that allows this to be romantic and that's 'trust', because if this doesn't happen, then how can you be romatically involved with anybody, trust is the most important key to being involved with anyone.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[AnotherRandomUser]

I'm greyasexual/greyaromantic so I rarely feel attraction, so my take on it might not be true for everyone.

But as a metaphor this is how I differentiate friendship/romance...

Friends are like a song you like, when you hear it it makes you happy. You have favorite songs that you like to listen to more than others, aka, best friends.

Romance is like a song you feel a deep connection with. A song that feels personal and resonates with you. Its not only a song you like, but makes you feel deep, often overwhelmingly positive emotions. You feel you could listen to it over-and-over forever and never get sick of it (even if that doesnt always end up that case...) because it means so much to you. Thats not to say your favourite songs arent important too, but this one is special.

Romance I feel is about finding your special song, and hoping they see you as their special song too.
Also just like how your more affectionate to best friends compared to general friends, your even more affectionate again to romance partners compared to best friends.
In a way I feel romantic relationships are a type of friendship too, just a really strong and personal one, and one both parties have to agree on.

Of course not feeling a special bond with someone, or feeling a special bond but not wanting a relationship, is fine too. Sometimes you can be happy with a (consensual) sex-only relationship, and sometimes you can be happy just being friends. As long as they are okay with that too.

So in a way, yeah romance are friends your attracted to. Though how you treat them is different, you have different boundaries. But you have different boundaries between regular and best friends too.

Personally I have felt romance a few times, but Im always happy to stay friends. It can hurt when someone I feel attached to attaches themself to someone else instead, because it means I cant spend as much time with them or show as much affection. But the same thing happens with best friends, it always hurts when someone is your best friend, but they only see you as an acquaintance. So you cant be as close as youd like to be.

Anyway hope that helps?