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What happens now

Shyone
Community Member
Hi,
So I have posted before about my marriage, wanting to save it. Well that hasn't happened and as of tonight it is over.
What do I do now we have a house mortgage, van etc loans together. Where do I start?
44 Replies 44

Shyone
Community Member
Hi Mr Paul,
Thank you for checking on me.
I don't know whether I am coping or not. One minute I'm good the next I am bawling my eyes out. I don't know what I an meant to be doing. I feel lost, lonely, confused and don't know where to start. Still waiting for him to come home from Newcastle, so still working through funeral stuff.
We may have been partially separated by him sleeping separately from me for a while but he was still here. My boys and I were ready for separation but not this.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Shyone - I am sorry to hear about your loss. There are no words I could say that might the ease the feeling and thoughts you are having. There are no time limits on "getting better", there is only your way.

The community here is very caring and supportive - if you feel you need or want to the chat here, people are here to read and support you. I will listen to you if you want to tell your story. It might also be helpful to get professional help if you feel you need it. Please also try to be kind to yourself.

The suicide callback service has some useful information here...

https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/resource/common-experiences-suicide-bereavement/

Peace and comforting thoughts to you,

Tim

Guest909
Community Member

Hi Shyone

You have been dealt a lousy hand; a marriage breakup and a death at the same time; it doesn't get much worse.

Your comments reminded me of my parent's marriage. They fought like cats and dogs for over 40 years; they also came close to separating. That being said, when my dad died my mother said that she actually missed him; in spite of all the ugly fights over the years. She also expecting him to walk through the door at any minute. She would often make coffee for two, prepare meals for two, expecting him to be there.

I suppose the take-home message is; it takes time to readjust after the death of a spouse; even if you were heading for a divorce.

The best thing you can do right now is talk to the people here at BB and give yourself the time you need to recover. The legal and financial matters can wait until you are ready.

Please stay in touch if you want to talk!

Shyone
Community Member
Hi,
I miss him terribly. I do expect him to walk through the door or call.
I didn't really want the separation, he just gave up on us. We didn't really fight either until the last 2 months of his life.
Our boys and i are just taking it day by day. This week is the test as the funeral is on. I expect it to throw us backwards but we are here to help each other through it.
Thank you for all the support

Guest909
Community Member

G'day Shyone

It is good to hear from you! I was wondering how you were going.

Yes, the funeral will throw you back a step or two. Once it is all over, I think you will feel a lot better. I don't know why, but when my dad died, I felt a lot better after the funeral. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Hopefully you will feel, and experience the same relief.

Life for you and the children will be different. You will miss him, but with time, things will get back to a new normal. As you said, "day by day"; baby steps.

I hope you are getting some professional help? This is all to much for one person to deal with.

Stay in touch if you want to vent.

Sometimes it helps to just put your thoughts down on paper or the computer screen.

Paul