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What happens now

Shyone
Community Member
Hi,
So I have posted before about my marriage, wanting to save it. Well that hasn't happened and as of tonight it is over.
What do I do now we have a house mortgage, van etc loans together. Where do I start?
44 Replies 44

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Shyone

I'll put this in headings so it helps.

SAFETY: Police
If you are afraid of your husband, you can phone the police and they may be able to have your number and address, so they can attend rapidly if you call. It's like a 'Emergency call out' list. Is there anyone who can come and stay with you tonight or even for a few days? Police know that right now is a dangerous time for women and children ie announcing separation.

LEGALLY: Phone Women's Legal Service (WLS) before you do anything.
Honestly Shyone, you don't have to do things like organise the sale of your house. Nope. As long as you feel safe, you can stay there as long as you like, or until Court processes indicate sale. Or if you refinance and pay ex out his % after Mediation / Court.
You need H signature on everything so having real estate agents etc is a waste of time. If you sell before Mediation and / or Court, you could lose ALOT of %.
You may get % for each child on top of your 50% … etc. WLS will guide you.
H will get 50% instantly if you sell.
You need to house your children.

HELPLINES:
DV Hotline
Beyond Blue
1800RESPECT

PREPARE: documents.
A friend can help. You can leave these docs with a trusted family member for safe keeping.
- all kid's birth certificates and yours too.
- your Marriage Cert
- any other official docs you think of.

FINANCIALS:
- mortgage papers
- any sole or joint account papers
- you can pay mortgage ahead out of joint account to secure housing for a while.

SECURITY: Please change your passwords / pin numbers on everything, especially your sole accounts.

Keeping yourself & kids ok highest priority. I would pack a small bag for each child, without them seeing, with just some essential clothing, a toy, books, toiletries. You can leave these in your car in case you need to leave in a hurry. If they can happily stay with relatives then you can do this if you feel comfortable enough doing so.

Tomorrow you can breathe, look after kids and yourself, make some calls. I would cancel the Real Estate agent.

Please try to avoid alcohol no matter what your friends think. You can drink later if need be. Drinking cold water is good.

Love
EM

Guest909
Community Member

Hi Shyone

There is no rush for you to do anything at this point in time. You and your children will stay in the family home until you and your husband sort things out. Chances are, you and your children will stay put for many years to come.

If you have not already done so, get some legal advise from RA or a lawyer when you are ready; there is no rush. You can't be forced out of the house, even if the house is in your husband's name.

Give yourself some time to think; you don't have to solve all the world's problem right now. In fact there is no need to have the real estate agent over any time soon; an agent at this stage is way too early and probably un-necessary.

If you are feeling overwhelmed; do nothing. Your future is not as bleak as you might think.

Give yourself some time to heal!

Shyone
Community Member
Thanks again everyone.
The reason for trying to sell the house so quickly is
1. I can't afford it
2. Too many memories
I don't have friends or family to help in any way.

Guest909
Community Member

Hi Shyone

Have you taken legal advice about the sale of the house. I ask because the sale of the home usually takes place after a property settlement has been is reached; you generally have 12 months from the time of the divorce to reach a property settlement. That means you have at least two years from now. Until that time, your husband is still responsible for the mortgage if you are not working.

At the very least, delay any decision until you can think clearly. You have been through a lot over the last month; you need time to heal before making a big decision.

If you do go ahead and sell the house, that may cause additional problems further down the track; get some legal advice first. Talk to RA about your options!

Give yourself time to heal!

Shyone
Community Member
Hi Mr Paul,
No I haven't got any legal advise. I don't want to stay in the house because he still comes for things like shower,take kids to school while i am at work. I just want out.

Guest909
Community Member

Hi

I can understand your reasons in wanting to move out. That being said, selling the house might be a mistake if you do so without professional advice.

With the help (RA or other) you might be able to negotiate "exclusive occupancy" of the house while you sort out your emotions and legal matters. I would suggest a negotiated occupancy would be better than running off to the court for an order.

Ultimately, you will know what is best for you.

Stay in touch if you are up to it!

Shyone
Community Member
Hi,
I am getting closest finishing work for the day and anxiety is starting to rise, I feel sick because I know he will be there.

Hi Shyone,

We're sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

If you think you're at risk of immediate harm, then this is an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

Our support service is also trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

Please check back in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

Shyone
Community Member
I honestly don't think that he will do anything physically to me. I am just a scaredy cat.

Shyone
Community Member
So it turns out he wasn't here, phew.

So I rang the RA line and still don't know what to do next.
I still had the real estate come around, purely because I didn't get off the phone long before they were due so it was too late to cancel. Was I meant to ask for a certain department?