What do you think about this situation , gf wants to work with me ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi people.

l'd love to hear any thoughts and perspectives about my situation so please feel free ok.

My gf was living 12hours away . So when since we've met she comes down to stay a few mths a time , goes home for a few wks , comes back . She's got a casual job at home so she can come and go. Thing is she's also had a hell of a last 6 or 6yrs , a lot like mine , and her nerves are shot and she has a few other health things. God do l know how she feels. However when she's here , it's like everything just goes away for us both and we have the coolest life and times. l work at home and she just helps out , or does things round the house or outside , she's so fantastic to have around not only such a huge help which is so damn nice for a change lifes been damn hard since divorce it's just been beautiful having someone so special in my corner again, and she does that much around here or even at work , just goes out and does stuff and works that damn hard , but of course there's also the US factor and just being together too. And she's just settled right down her health comes a lot better her nerves , we both just so relaxed content and at ease.

Sooo, here's the thing. She's moving down soon and in , well that's what we're thinking. She wants to just keep our life as is , she helps at work and around the place and not get other work . She's been seeing doctors for 5yrs but still can't get some kind of centrelink thing even though they've given letters saying that she shouldn't be working but with us she's ok because everything's relaxed and she copes really well , it's like a new her and we both really like the life. My ex w and l both worked from how for a few year back when and for us anyway , that was also a great life and still one of the best times of my life , and ironically after everything , here's gf and we've loved it too.

Thing is , that would mean though we'd both be dependent on my income which would be our income. It covers enough , we wouldn't be rich but we'd get by ok her being here really doesn't make much difference to expenses. But it would also be great if she had just a bit of work on the side bringing in a bit extra , so l'm just not sure what to think about it all being on my work , our work.

Would you have any thoughts on the situation , should l ?

ironically , when l was single l met girls full set up , one had 100k in the bank, another one had 5houses , crikey that'd be nice , buttttt, we are what we are and she's a great girl.

[Guest_1584]

Just wondering what people think, l'm having doubts about the whole idea.

Thing is , she's gonna be pretty well broke by the time she moves down , costs of all that now because she was only working part time and paying rent plus coming up and back from my place.

l dunno , it just feels weird that she wouldn't be able to contribute any of her own money into the house payments or living , bills. And even if there was any internet business later on who knows when we'd see any money from that if at all assuming she could even find something profitable .

What would you guys think of all that . l'd feel a lot better if she at least has some of her own money in this .

rx

[white knight]

Hi RX,

Here is my thoughts.

Any aspirations on creating any small business working from home has limited chance of success. Been there done that from cubby houses that proved seasonal (xmas) to building and operating a miniature train using my ride on mower (couldn't join the showmans union) and many others. None of those beats a job as an employee and if the home business thing is really wanted one can work on that in the evenings. Once it is successful she can leave her part time or full time job.

As for the finances. She has spent a lot of money on travel to and from your place. So it is understandable she wont have much cash. You both need to have a meeting and such meetings should be regular, open, calm and understanding between you and your concerns.

I would suggest to her "what do you think about the suggestion that you look for part time or full time work to help out with the home expenses and we can work on any home business we want - in the evenings?...based on the fact that running a business from home is dubious with high possibility of it not resulting in significant enough income for us to prosper with paying bills? "I's feel much more comfortable if we had such regular income in the short term and worked on a business after hours...what do you think".

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hi RX, quite agree with you and if I can explain another situation where an elderly chap I visit once a week told me that his daughter wanted to move in with him, well they have never really gotten on together and suggested that it would be unwise for this to happen.

It did, she moved in, and he really wished it didn't happen, she has taken over with furniture stored outside etc, but he asked her to pay half the internet costs, money for electricity and help to pay the rates which are about $3000 as he lives on 5 acres, tank water, but she said NO she's not contributing anything at all.

I know RX this is slightly different from your situation and sorry, but I thought I should mention it to you.

If a relationship is going to be successful, it might be best to know what's in it for you, rather than what's in it for them.

Sorry RX.

Geoff.

[CrazyGecko89]

It seems to vary from couple to couple but my own experiences when working with a partner were certainly not ideal so I avoid mixing love ones in the workplace.

First was a temp job at a grain silo. I was in manual labour and my ex partner was in classification which was a fairly easy job and the only spot with a AC. I lasted just over a month due to the season being poor but she lasted less than a week as she constantly called in sick so she was let off but treated my whole pay check as her own.

The second was a volunteering position at a zoo but as time passed I was encouraged to apply for a paid position. Once my ex partner found out she also applied to volunteer in the same area but hounded me from morning to dusk heavily which affected my work as there was no time apart unfortunately this costed me a job opportunity.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much for the thoughts people muchly appreciated as always.

Yeah fully agree crazy g , does very a lot doesn't it. l could never do some strict 8hour day thing with a gf or w just too much l reckon. My work l only work part time rest of the time l'm renovating or dagging about and she just comes and goes nice and casual. often even by the time l've knocked off say, she feels like some outside and she'll just wonder out and do a few hours later, she even likes getting out there at night . other times she'll just bring coffee and we'll yack for awhile then she'll go off and do other stuff so it's a very easy sitch. Sounds like your sitches were a lot more complicated yeah l can see where your comin from.

Gday Geoff and thatnks for that mate. The good old freeloading of the old man trick eh. l mean l sure can't complain she does so much and really looks after me.

Hey Tony and thanks to as always. Yeah l hear ya l tried 3 or 4 others too before what l'm doing now which is actually just a spin off from my original trade from way back when so l sorta blended the two and it's rolled along quite well. gives me plenty of free time and an ok income. my free time and doin what l want when l want is far more important to me than bigger bucks.

But yeah def' get what your sayin with something new on her side.

Tbh , took your advice and we talked about things but l must admit, she had some big points about her just going on as we have been and tbh , dunno if l'd wanna change that or give it up now anyway tbh thinking about it. And she has spent a fortune coming and going from sydney and now a lot more trucking her stuff down. l dunno.

like she says baby if we were paying someone to do all the stuff l do round here and the helping out at l do at work it'd cost us 5 or 600 a wk , hmmm, true , she even cuts my hair haha , She's feeling better and better too and her nervous systems and anxiety's settling right down she's almost a new woman.

So l dunno now ., thinking about how much she's already spent on us and to be here and everything she does round here , plus the cruisy little way we seem to just mold into everything , it's a bloody nice life , thinkin now after realizing all that, why trying fixing what ain't broke, you know .

[white knight]

Hi rx

Yes agree, if it is all going smooth leave it alone.

No point looking for roadblocks

TonyWK

[Croix]

Dear Randomx~

It is very easy to conjure up negative scenarios, it's part of apprehension when something new is happening.

I'd agree with Tony 100%, if it seem to be working then fine, relax. Remember there are two of you trying to make this work, not you alone.

Having a partner is a wonderful thing and worth a few risks

Croix (who admits he is biased after 2 lovely relationships)

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much Tony and Croix.

And so true what you guys have said and weird reading them l realized that l dunno , l have been poking and prodding trying to find something wrong , or avoid it, or something, self sabotage comes to mind , just in case. In case of what , not sure , going wrong or making the wrong choices , again, or testing testing.

But your right , a partner and relationship again , really is a wonderful thing , l really can't believe the difference compared to what l was telling myself and fighting off the last 5 or 6 yrs.

Thanks so much .

rx

[geoff]

Hi RX, there's another saying which you have mentioned and means so much in many different situations 'if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it', if you're happy then don't change it.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a lot Geoff.

All the best

rx