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Was this an apology?

Community Member
Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I saw a psychcologist for awhile who helped me a lot. She confirmed that I wasn't crazy in my thinking and also helped me come to the conclusion that the relationship was not going to improve. My problem is that this person has called me to apologise, however when saying this they said that they had already apologised a long time ago but was now making it formal. My problem is the apology was not a real apology. I said if I had received an apology I would have accepted it. The only "apology" I received stated "I'm sorry for stuffing up the date on my email regarding ....... ..... YES I mean it I don't apologise for nothing why would I bother" . I said that this was the only msg I received with "sorry" in it. I then said "it doesn't matter, let's just get over it and go forward from now". The person kept insisting that they had apologised and I know has told others that they apologised. Now I am the nasty person who did not accept this person's apology. Believe me, if it was a real apology I would have said OK that's fine, thank you and let's go forward from here. The person I'm talking about started all of this by sending me a nasty e-mail months ago. I replied addressing their behavior and didn't call them nasty names or insult them. I continued to receive nasty emails and texts calling me names but never actually saying what I had done to cause this. We are very different people and have very different opinions. This is something that isn't going to change and I can accept that, I just walked on eggshells and kept my mouth shut but as this is a very close relationship I was happy to do so to keep the peace. That was until the insulting e-mails and texts started. I haven't done things or behaved as this person has wanted me to. I think a lot of the problem is that I have now stood up for myself and said I'm not going to put up with it anymore. This person has often tried to control what I do and does not take into consideration my family circumstances when making plans for family get togethers, work commitments for example, they don't work. My very long winded questions are"was this an apology ?" and "should I make an effort to mend the relationship ?" Your thoughts will be appreciated. Thank you.
1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Well, yes it is an apology and we should take that attempt as an apology however we should do so in the vein that the person concerned didn't like to give the apology, like they were forced, and it could be a reflection of their immaturity...seems like it.

We often see things only from our viewpoint within the framework of our own values. If we saw it from their viewpoint you might realise they are apologizing in a genuine manner- for them. But not in our view does it seem genuine. This is where we should be flexible, people are shades of grey not black and white.

Abusive emails- if you receive one- ring them! if it continues- break off contact. You have choices.


Beyondblue topic the definition of abuse