Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Want space and time

Community Member

Two weeks ago my partner of 3 years -and I had a huge argument where he asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and but he still loves me. He willing go to couple counsellor/ therapy as we agreed on from our last conversation however after talk and realise he need see one for himself bad he is confuse and unhappy. So he went see one few days after our argument and decide don’t want to see couple therapy as want focus on himself and asked me to give him time.. we still living under same roof even though I offer to leave and give him space but he say it’s okay for me stay. So right now I am feeling lost and tiring of waiting for him. It’s our second time to be in that situation where he left me in past that I ended with him as he kept changing his mind. 5 years later we are together again and it was great until last few months.. just don’t know what to do as don’t want him make stupid mistake again.. I really want make things work for us.

6 Replies 6

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi SweetSmile,

It sounds like you're in a really rough place. Have you tried to sit down with him and ask him what he wants for the future or where he sees your relationship going? It's important to keep communicating and being honest. Perhaps you could open up to him and share your concerns. I hope things get better for you!

Community Member

Yeah I tried to sit down to have a conversation with him about that but he kept saying oh you are pushing me and I need more time etc.. and making excuses. I open and honest communicate with him constantly. So right now I am pretty much exhausted. I was told to see couple counsellor for us so maybe I have to encourage him to see one together.. Thanks

Community Member

Hello SweetSmile.

I am really sorry to hear how you feel about your situation.

You need to find out what your partner wants. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants or he has some issues that he is unsure of himself.

You have already left him once, I think in this instance, you might need to be very clear and straight forward with him on what you want and need. Relationships become a form of abuse when one partner is unstable and makes the other partner feel unwanted, unloved and unsupported.

Do what is right for you but you can't let him play games and control the situation. Your partner needs to realise how important you are in his life and seek support.

How are things tracking?

Hello Jsua,

Yeah I am trying to find what he want but he keep making excuse or avoid the topic which make things difficult for me.

I have wrote a letter to express my thoughts and things I want and need in the relationship but I haven't share with him yet? Should I?

To be honest I am at the point right now where I just had enough with it.

Hi SweetSmile.

Yes, I think writing him a letter is a brilliant idea because it give him the opportunity to respond and express himself without the need of any arguments or disagreements.

i have felt this way as well. i wrote him a letter last night and explained to him its the best way for me to express how i am feeling without either of us talking over each other cutting each other off ending in an argument or getting distracted and not saying everything i want to. so i gave them to him today as well as i asked for a couple of days space which will be hard as we have kids together as well but i need to do this for me and our boys. he feels he cant deal with it all at the moment so i dont have much of a choice i need to be the stable one for them. i hope you get the answers your looking for and writing a letter to him helps as i hope it helps for me as well