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Unknowingly Triggering The One You Love - Should You Stay?

Community Member
Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occasionally had a night out with my friends - it would always end up in us having arguments when I got home. In the end I was feeling trapped and like our relationship was becoming a bit toxic. We were arguing over the smallest things and we just could never resolve them. I could never understand where he was coming from and he could never understand my reasoning either so we'd just end up so frustrated. I was the one to end it. We've still stayed in contact every day checking up on each other. He confessed before he left (to go back to home country) that I was an emotional trigger for him because of childhood trauma he hadn't dealt with which changed everything for me. It finally made me understand why me having a night out with my friends would always make him so upset with me. I asked him if he'd want to work at things again in the future and he said if I didn't repeat the things from before and accept him for who he is. I want to be with him but I can't figure out if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'm in denial and just don't want to believe I was the problem in the relationship before.. I guess no one wants to believe that about themselves. I just wish it was clearer, I don't want to go through those feelings again if it ends badly and risk hurting him more the second time but I don't want to risk losing him if he really is the one.
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

We can love someone, even be in love with someone but not be compatible. Opposites attract right? Yes they do- but opposites can leave your relationship in an abrasive atmosphere.

Gor this reason your better approach is to attend relationship counseling. I say this because sometimes things can seem far apart yet the remedy might be simply a few changes. Eg when you went out with friends he could have been bored. Boredom can lead to resentment. If you both discussed this and planned an activity for him the problem might not worsen.

So in this case a few visits to a professional would be money worth spending


That's really helpful thank you