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Trying to move on

Community Member

Hi all, just trying to reach out and get some helpful advice on my relationship situation.

 My wife and I have been married for the last seven years but been together for about 16 years. We have 2 children 5 & 3. We have separated and this is the second time as the last time was 12 months ago. She asked for the seperation the first time and I asked for it the second however I did it for her as leading up to it she really closed off from me and had a look of death in her eyes towards me. She would not talk about it and I told her I just wanted to see her happy and not hurt her anymore. 

It has been about 5 weeks now and we are being amicable as we want to do the best for the children, I am living in the studio down the back and she is in the house with the kids. The kids stay in the studio with me sometimes. I support her as much as I can with bringing in the sole income and helping with the kids. 

I am really finding it hard to move on, I am grieving the loss of my wife and it is effecting me in the way I am parenting as I just feel sad when I am with the kids and as we are still parenting together I see her a lot and it is really hard as I crave that connection we once had. I am also finding it difficult on the sexual level as I am still sexually attracted to her. I am mixed up at the moment and just want to find a way to move on. Not sure what to do?

how do you stop loving someone you love and care for?

she has told me that she loves me as the father off our children and that she misses me, but I know it is for the better that we both move on in our life journey as we have just grown in different directions.

How long does it take to get over your love for your wife when you decide to do life apart?

what are the big challenges going to be?



11 Replies 11

Hi Maggie,

your situation does sound very similar to mine, it is hard to have the person you love tell you they don't love you anymore. I live in the studio I built down the back and we live on an acre so there is some space there however being on the same property we do cross paths often. In saying all this we are both trying to re build a friendship that we had for a long time before getting married and we do care for each other very much but it's hard to see that person and feel the pain all the time. You hit the nail on the head it is completely soul destroying and I agree with you that we have to start focusing our energy on ourselves. If I can say one thing this experience really makes you learn a lot about yourself and take a conscious look at your life and direction and for the first time I can say I am looking forward to doing what i want in life and not what I feel is necessary in life. My kids are also my focus at present and I too have them ask my why I am so sad all the time and I tell them that sometimes it is ok to be sad, you need to feel that emotion to know that something needs to change.

 good luck with your new journey, things can only get better right?

Community Member

Hi I am currently living in the same situation as you, we separated only 2 weeks ago and due to severe financial problems he cant afford to move out so is living in a different room in the house,  It is sheer torture, we had a third party involved which was the straw that broke the camels back but have been heading down this path for quite some time.  It kills me the comings and goings and seeing each other, his physiologist said he needs to leave as soon as possible, his depression is back in full swing and I think I am sliding into it also.

 If you are in a position to move I would seriously consider it as hard as it is regarding your children, you need to weigh up how you are feeling and what effect it is having, on you.

Wishing you all the best in this sticky situation