Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Trying to find an answer to me behaviour

Community Member


im not sure where to begin but where I can get help.

i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder.

i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it is now at the point of destroying the life I have and also the woman I love, my wife.

porn doesn't help either, because I find and like pictures, images, videos that look like my wife.

ive assaulted my wife while she sleeps, and got caught. All the trust is gone cause I broke it by my actions.

i truely love her, but this has pushed her too far.

we went without sex for nearly 2 years after we got married and it drove me insane, but I did not cheat or seek it elsewhere.

my problem is, that I have no self control and she deserves better from me.

i don't know what to do next... I need help!! 😭 I love her more than anything in this world.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi wos, welcome

The old saying "prevention is better than cure" is right. How you have treated your wife has caused your problems.

How you tackle issues is important. If you have sexual issues you go to a sex therapist, if issues drive you mad you deal with it the right way. You never force yourself onto a person.

I suggest you get professional help. Start with your doctor. Counseling is also an option.

Tony WK

Community Member

It is not okay or fair to live like this. Sometimes it's better to see a sex therapist directly as GPs can dismiss us too easily sometimes. I think getting a referral to a good psychologist that deals with marital issues is also important. You can often research one before you make an appointment.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni


Welcome to the forums. I feel uncomfortable replying to you to be honest. I am because I respect that you admit you have a serious problem and are reaching out for help.

I believe you need to see your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist as soon as possible and commit yourself fully to therapy.

You are aware that what you did to your wife was abuse. It is not acceptable. This kind of abuse is rarely reported to the police. But it is reportable. I am concerned that you say you have no self control. If you feel you will abuse your wife you need to leave so she is safe and seek medical help.

I apologise if I have offended you. I was abused by a partner and I believe you are very lucky if your wife is willing to try to work through this at all.

You love your wife. Protect her please. Get help to control yourself. Commit to therapy with your wife.

I apologise. I find this very difficult. Thank you for writing your post and for asking for help. I truly hope you are able to work through this for your own wellbeing.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Weightofshame, welcome to the forum.
You know that there are issues here that certainly need attention and will be condoned but maybe you have to realise this before any help can be given, and that's why you have posted this comment.
I expect that she horribly disliked you for assaulting her while she was asleep, and we have to be honest here, but trust has gone, so you need to get some help immediately, and only when this has been done then you would have any chance of getting her back, but I'm not too sure this will happen, unless you can prove yourself.
I know it's a difficult topic to talk about, but you have asked us for help, and I think that this should be an ongoing treatment. Geoff.