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trying saving 24 years, post infidelity.

Community Member

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling.

my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week & she works 3 days a week in the care industry, it is during this time that she has come into contact with a gentleman (AP) affair partner & formed an emotional & physical relationship together.

3 weeks ago i was away for the w/end catching up with a mate out west. i called home for the morning goss & my youngest answered i asked to speak with (W) & she said she wasn't home after dropping our eldest off to work @ 7am that morning, thats ok i rang her mobile had a chat & she said she was shopping for the kids & just browsing, i asked which shops & she struggled a little & i had a awful feeling, one think about have 3 teens is we all have find my phone & we are all aware of it. i checked it & it showed her at her work clients address i ask what she was doing at AP's but denied being there until i mentioned find my phone. so i asked to facetime her & she hung up on me, i tried to call a few time to no avail. i was 3 hrs drive away but heading back instead of the catchup. she called back apologetic say she didn't want me to be mad about visiting a client out of hrs, she had visited 2 weeks earlier but did tell me on her way out the do, which i was concerned for her job about. this guy was old & lonely. we are in our 40's he was late 60's to 70. Drank & smoked like crazy & was constantly lewd with his comments. 1 i was always cautious for her safety. anyway she smoothed me over on my drive home & spoke about the lie & deception long into the night. but resolved all the same. that was Sunday.

she was rostered to attend to him twice that week & it felt like a normal week outside my discomfort about being lied to. on Friday her phone rang a mobile no. i picked it up off the bench but she wouldn't answer it while i was there just said it was a telemarketer. so i put down as soon as i did she picked it up & went to delete the number which i found odd, & from then on my world unfolded & sent me into an obis of hurt, pain, panic anxiousness & then emptiness over the next 4-5 day she held me in this world of Torment!

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi, welcome

I think if I placed myself in this situation I would need to be really certain of all the facts so my partner has zero possibility to counter my claims. As a ex PI I know many people resort to collecting all information possible for this reason.

I wouldn't knee jerk at all. If your emotions make you intolerant of sharing a bed then if possible move to another room at least for a while. My message is that a lot is at stake and early reactions aren't always the wise ones.

Having said that we all have our limits and that is a wide spectrum.

I hope you are ok. During such stressful times we can't change our thinking from what it always should be, the care of our childten. You are needed and loved , so stay strong.

You can also contact DADS IN DISTRESS

Repost anytime


Community Member


Was there a "part two" to your first post. I recall reading something in "part two" that went on to say that your wife admitted to the affair. Did I get that right, or am I slowly losing my sanity?


Community Member

Hi buddy.

I am really sorry that you feel hurt, upset and confused.

  • Have you talked to her about how you feel?