FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

*TRigger Warning -Struggles with abusive ex, parents in law and kids

Belle1223
Community Member

Ex and I separated in December. He was violent towards me and police became involved. we were together 15 years. Probably for about 2 years he was a abusive and the 6 months before we separated it became physical. It was very traumatising. I’d just had a new baby who is now 1yo. I left a few times but went back as he seemed very remorseful. But the entire pregnancy and her first 6 months were incredibly stressful. We also have a 2yo and 10yo, and I struggled caring for them and going through being treated so horribly.

I asked his parents for help a number of times when he was in one of his abusive rants (calling me nasty names, accusing me of disgusting untrue things. Saying he hoped Awful things would happen to me etc). Even one time while on the phone to his mum he started saying he should hurt people. His parents didn’t want to help me. They would talk to him on the phone for a while and then he would get off the phone and tell me how they sent their love. Occasionally I would get a text message after calling for help saying something like ... he seemed ok and they hoped I was well. Even after I left due to the previous violence his mum wouldn’t pass on a message to him to not return to the house after the temporary order ended (I couldn’t Msg him due to not wanting the temporary restraining order to be revoked). She said sorry but it would have to come from me. I understand it was never their responsibility to help me but I just felt so alone over the years this abuse was going on

I got a restraining order for 2 years. I allowed him visits every 2 weeks supervised with his parents. They would come to my home and stay about half a day every 2 weeks. There were times my ex was verbally abusive to me and they witnessed this. He would send me abusive messages every couple of weeks. It was mentally draining trying to look after 3 kids, work and deal with his abuse.

He sent my parents threats of violence 2 weeks ago and I decided to stop all visits. He came over last week anyway and I called the police.

The past few years has been so horrible and draining. I feel as though I can’t cope with him and his family anymore. I hold resentment towards them all. I just want to be in peace and look after my children...I feel I need to look after myself.

The parents just keep nagging me to see the kids. Not to help me in any way, but just for me to let them visit, or bring the kids to them. I just feel I’ve had enough.

3 Replies 3

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Belle 1234,
thank you for reaching out here to the forums and sharing your experiences with us. We are sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time and stressful time but we want you to know that this is a safe space and our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We are also getting in touch with you through email as we are worried about you. 

Please know that help is always available to your. We would really urge you to reach out for some support at the moment. The counsellors at Respect1800 on 1800 737 732 and Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 are available 24/7 by phone and by online chat. 

If you would like some advice about accessing mental health support, please conact the Beyond Blue Support Service at anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12 AEST. 

Many of our members will be abl to relate to what you are going through and may be able to help you. If you would like to post further plase tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you. You're not alone here. 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Belle1223, and a warm welcome to the forums but do feel very sorry for the situation you're in.

At the moment you're caught in the middle, listening to what his parents want, what your children and asking yourself many questions and possible scenarios that might occur.

He will be asking his parents how his children are and want to know to tell him and try to appease him, but I can't see that happening.

All of this is extra pressure on you, something you certainly don't want.

Have you thought about changing all your contact details, starting with your phone number, because you don't want the pressure from his parents, maybe directed from him, because at the moment your life is rather hectic.

Take care.

Geoff.

Belle1223
Community Member

Thank you Geoff.

I have considered changing all my contact details and will be moving in the next 2 months or so.

Should I be trying my best for the kids grandparents (Ex in-laws) to see them? Plus for my ex to see them (supervised & not at my house). The parents want to come over without him to visit the kids. I just find it draining and hold resentment against them. But at the same time feel terribly guilty to stop contact entirely.

I’ve been through so much the past few years and am trying so hard to make our lives peaceful and happy.