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My husband prefers sleeping alone and is not interested in sex

Tmg1710
Community Member
Im married 6 years and its been a tough ride.I think we are just room partners trying to raise our kid together.Im scared to talk to him about it.Because he gets frustrated and angry.He prefers watching porn over having sex.
This had affected me mentally and physically.His interest in sex has always been low.He prefers virtual things.I feel lonely ugly and rejected.
He is always watching movies or playing games or talking to his friends.He does all repsoniblities well the physical duties.Cleaning ,coming with me to hospital if required.But it just seems robotic..
2 Replies 2

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

A warm welcome to you Tmg1710

Humans can be pretty quirky creatures at times. I'm wondering whether your husband has a particular quirk which leads him to only be truly excited through porn. Lot's of people have different fetishes. Whether those fetishes involve porn, a thing for feet, their partner dressing up in the bedroom or a number of other things, the idea would be to work out why such things trigger a spike in sexual energy.

While some folk can easily feel a work up in energy in this area, others can have great difficulty for one reason or another. While you may be feeling lonely ugly and rejected, which is a torturous potentially soul destroying way to feel (my heart goes out to you), it might pay to instead wonder why your husband can't feel the chemistry. For example, is he tired, down or depressed? Is it hard for him to feel any satisfaction in life? Does he only ever feel alive through watching porn? Is he basically living or living basically through catching up with friends and watching tv? Some folk can't live basically, it just doesn't do it for them. They can't feel alive unless their rock climbing, skydiving or bungee jumping. A rush of adrenaline fully brings them to life.

If this is the real issue here, what do you think would bring your husband more to life. If you were to bring him to life in various new ways outside of the house, through adventures, is it possible he would come to see you as 'the person who brings him to life'? Of course, this would pose a new challenge for you, to begin thinking of a variety of ways. Writing a list of possibilities could be an idea. What happens in this case, even if it does nothing to change your husband's attitude, you get to discover a whole new aspect of who you are. You become 'the adventurer' and 'the thrill seeker'. You can't help but be attracted to such a person. You can't help but love yourself.

🙂

missep123
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Tmg1710,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through this. With what I've heard porn can sometimes create unrealistic expectations and fantasies. People who watch it tend to not realise the work that goes into the production such as music, makeup, outfit, choreography, lights, cameras, and setting. In your post you mentioned he can get angry or frustrated when you try to bring it up with him which is tricky because usually I would ask if it was an option to speak to him about it.

From my own experience, friend's experience and people I have known, communication seems to be an important key to relationships. When there is a communication breakdown it can be really challenging. Have you potentially thought about going to a relationship counsellor? They may be able to provide an outside, non-judgemental perspective and hopefully they can try to open up the communication channels?

Here for you though, you can always reach out here and I hope you can feel comforted and supported