Toxic People

[Light9]

Hi there

I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends.  The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all.  Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having babies.  They treat me very badly and it's starting to make me feel suicidal.  I have stopped going to their houses but they are very old friends and relatives and so they come to us to see my partner.  I just can't seem to escape them and their passive aggressive behaviour.  I feel like I try so hard to be decent and they just keep treating me badly.  It's making me sick.  I must join some groups and get out there and make new friends, I know, but I have had 2 miscarriages and been very down from that too.  My own family have never been interested in visiting me - not once in 5 years and that hurts very much.  When I fly home I feel nervous stying with them as my mother and sister can be hysterical and controlling.  They both have Bi polar disorder.  I have had to alienate myself more and more to the point where I feel if I didn't have my lovely partner I would be dead for sure.  I wish anyone reading this strength and positivity and to know that you are not alone.  Nelson Mandella has inspired me to keep going this week with his gracious amazing outlook on life.   

[ilovetoread73_]

*warning* talking about miscarriage.

It sounds like your partner is feeling caught in a hard place between his "friends" of by understanding are not really friends and you his partner.  My partner finds it extremely difficult to stand up to his family for me.  They are not cruel people but they do not understand about my family estrangement - which my FIL decided to have a go at me over Christmas about.  Also the fact I am unsure if they funnelling information to my parents (a word they don't deserve to be called) with photos of my son etc.  I also had two miscarriages before my son came along.  My husband found it difficult to say anything to my in-laws or FIL when he made a joke unknowingly that we wouldn't know what to do with a baby.  Some men aren't great with expressing themselves in a direct way in my opinion and if it is going to be difficult like our blokes' situation I think it may be very hard to expect anything.  Recently after having a huge anxiety attack my husband finally spoke to my MIL.  They still do not understand though.  Anyway what I can suggest is that you find a safe place for you to be you.  A women's group that may even be under the guise of a hobby, painting etc. Whatever you might like.  You don't have to tell your partner it's a women's group just you are painting.  Hopefully you will find support and understanding and also build some friends if you do decide to change your life in any way, small to large.  I know miscarriages are hard.  I was devastated after my second miscarriage.  I was buttoned up like a hard nut and never thought I would cry over anything after my childhood but this was one of the hardest if not hardest times in my life since my childhood.  Grieve privately if you need to but remember to grieve.  It will allow you to get on with your life, however slowly.  I found a good  psychologist at this time who helped me through it which I am forever grateful to her as I had no family to turn to.  My own mother said the day after a medical procedure after my first miscarriage "don't they know why you can't hold a baby?".  So having the right support for your situation is important.