Toddlers, family, work, exhaustion, repeat

[RoseMum]

So I know I am not the first working mum with a strong willed toddler....but how do people keep going??

I work 4 days and I'm pregnant but the nature of my industry is that is still 40-50 hours per week on average. (Every evening until about 11pm after I get home, later when we have tough bed times, and from about 3-4 on Sunday, ). All i want is to take a sick day but if I do its over 100 emails to respond too when I return, I still receive a dozen phone calls during the day and the meetings I reschedule, take a couple of hours anyway to find a new time. I end up working the Saturday to catch up. I try to delegate but they keep bouncing back.

Fridays I have with my wonderful daughter, who I love, but currently she seems to only say no, is very clingy wanting to always be carried and still at over 2 doesn't sleep through (yes we've have sleep consultants, sleep school, paediatric assessments etc - advice is to make piece with it)

My husband is great but with us both FT there is no space for self-care. I am also worried that he is looking so tired, his mood is poor and seems worn down by the endless to do list we are never on top of that he will just get over it all. (I know feel like that sometimes).

Our family don't live by. We have tried gyms with creche's etc, we don't get 15 mins through before she is returned, same with babysitters - we have tried a couple of times, they call us within an hour as she is so upset. Even at her wonderful day care, after 12 months we still have screaming at drop offs.

I just want to tap out for a week but i feel the luxury to leave responsibilities behind is something afforded to other people. Does it get better? How do you survive?

[wannabe_alpha]

Looks like you need to think about changing some things in life, which is quite obvious! Your daughter needs your time! Decide where your priority lies and do so accordingly! But I think CHANGE IS MUCH NEEDED!

Feel free to share more details, or ask more things.

[RoseMum]

My daughter gets every minute of my time, 3 days a week and every minute she is awake outside daycare hours the other 4 days. For most families today having both parents work is a necessary reality.

[Juliet_84]

Hi RoseMum,

I really feel for you, I work full-time with a very demanding job and find the constant work pressures and demands mean that everything else tends to get squeezed. And I don’t have a toddler demanding my time. I agree with you, just about everyone works full time now, the cost of living pressures necessitate it for most of us. However, one thing is clear, something has to give. And I am concerned that it’s going to be you and your health. Your daughter is going through a difficult stage and likely will be for the next year or two. Is there an option to work flexibly at your current workplace? If not, would you consider moving jobs for the next few years? Alternatively, could your husband do something such as this? This isn’t sustainable for any period of time and it’s not a life. I truly hope you find a solution

[monkey_magic]

Hi 🌹 RoseMum,

It's really sounds like you are doing your absolute best to juggle your busy lifestyle but I'm going to have to agree with Juliet_84 that something has to give.

In an ideal world tapping out for a week would be wonderful for you. It almost sounds like a necessity.

Is there anyone out there who can help with this end- less to do list? Sounds like both you and your husband are exhausted and need some outside help.

At the end of the day our health comes first. It only gets better if we make it better. You asked how do you survive? First thing I thought of was by taking time out for yourself but I don't think that's feasible ATM.

Sounds like you've been going at this pace for a long time. I really hope you find a way to give back to yourselves.

MMx

[kned]

As a fellow mum, I completely feel for you! Working an exhausting and demanding job, whilst also supporting a tired family, is hard work.

I have to agree with the other responders here. Something has to give. You may need to step back and have a think about what may make things easier for you and your family.

When I was working with 2 kids, they were always so so clingy of a Friday (day off). It could be the age but it is also because they need you. I soon accepted that Friday was our day to reconnect. I also found overnight was when my oldest needed to reconnect (she too would wake).

I guess it's worth reminding yourself that this won't be forever! Your little one is probably picking up on your stress, plus the fact you are pregnant again. Her little life is busy and it sounds like you all need some time to focus on each other.

The change doesn't have to be big! Maybe you need to see about cutting back your workload so you can focus on family over the weekend. Maybe it's about hiring some extra help (house cleaning etc) so you can just spend the day reconnecting with your daughter, maybe your partner needs to take some time out to help more.

I hope you can find a way to ease the pressure for your little family!