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To wait or let go

Brokengrl
Community Member

Hello all

im in a pickle.

I started seeing a guy going through a tough time. He was clear he did not want a relationship yet. But could see us having a relationship in the future.

due to the circumstances. I had a lot of anxiety. I felt the relationship we did have was doomed. He generally coped well with my anxiety and rolled with it.

he was always open and honest with me. I never caught him in a lie. We had a real connection. He said I was the only person who knew him best.

Tuesday night. I had some anxiety and said a few things I shouldn’t have. Wednesday he didn’t speak to me, except to say he needed space because he can’t deal with anything complicated right now.

I haven’t heard from him since. We went from talking every single day. To absolute silence.

my support network are telling me I should be patient and just give him space and wait and see what happens.

I think I should accept it is over and I will not hear from him again. I feel like I should grieve and move on.

what are peoples thoughts?

4 Replies 4

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Brokengrl,

I am not really good with relationship issues..

I think the best thing you can do is to go with your heart whether you want to peruse this relationship or move on...

I’m wondering if you have rang him and explained that you very in anxiety and those words you spoke to him you didn’t mean to......and that it would be a good idea if you both could sit down together and talk about what happened and your concerns of hurting him....

I know when I am upset over something someone said to me....I want and need some space to process it all....

You could give him some time and space if you wanted to and feel that might help the situation..but in doing so..I think maybe set an amount of time your willing to give him...then contact him and let him know how your feeling and your wanting to move on.,,,

I think moving on without letting him know..might be good for closure for both of you..

Not sure if I helped or confused you more..but I wanted to try..

My kindest thoughts dear Brokengrl..

Grandy.,

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi Brikengrl,

Depending a bit on what you said to him...

Can you text him that you are sorry for what you said and apologizes and say you're sorry you hurt him (if this is what has happened) and that you'd like to continue seeing him but understand if he doesn't want to continue the relationship?

Then I'd leave it at that and not text him again but give him time and space.

If he doesn't respond after a while unfortunately you will just have to move on.

I guess it's a tough learning experience.. But I would apologise and see what happens. Then the ball would be in his court.

Good luck!

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Brokengrl, and thanks Grandy and Hanna for your comments.

You need to remember that he is going through a tough time, just as you are as well and although he was open and honest with you might have been about what you have told him, and not so much about all of his problems, although what he did say you were able to connect with him.

He has said that he doesn't want a relationship just yet and this could be because of the situation he's having trouble with himself and he may not be capable of sorting out his problems as well as yours.

You don't know how long he needs to sort this out, so it's your decision whether or not you want to wait as it could take an unknown time and be a frequent occurrence, that you don't know about and whether you are able to cope with this, especially as you are having concerns yourself.

I'm sorry this is not an easy decision to make, but you have to look after yourself first of all.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Brokengrl
Community Member

Thank you all for your comments.

it has been a very hard time with some significant anxiety.

I have come to the conclusion I cannot effect what he does. But I can effect what I do.

im going to work on the basis that it is over. I will continue on with the daily aspects of my life without any expectation of hearing from him.

if he does reach out. That can be his choice and we can openly discuss things from there. However. I have no false hope of hearing from him.

I respect myself enough not to wait for someone who’s default response was to cut all contact with me.

thank you all for taking the time to help me through this.