The ex family in law ..doing my head in

[IsaJett]

So I have split from the ex ..about 3 years now ..

i just really hate dealing with them ...I can only deal with the ex alone ,.cos he is the father ..and I keep things civilised and amicable .i treat him like a friend ,.and it works fine ,.i have no qualms with that , but he travels really often and I need to enlist his family ...but my goodness ..dealing with them is just a bloody pain ..they always so sad and negative and say they all getting old ..Blah blah blah ..really it goes on ,,and I’m like ,..look who the hell on earth isn’t getting old ?

do we have to gloat over and over it ...Its hard enough getting myself in check ...but when I have to listen to them blab ,.i really feel my ears would bleed ,..they all so negative ..and I got zero tolerance for it ,..pfffft ...just really need to get that out , even whilst I was in marriage ..they were also negative all the, time ...I guess they never change ..it’s so crazy . I feel like after talking to them I need like twin days to recover from the negative energy ...it’s like a battery zap ...a complete drainage of my energy ..it’s like they suck the life out of me ...hahahaha

so then I blame the ex..for being overseas all the, time..it really taxing ..ok thanks for listening guys ,

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

No they wont change, unless they have a lightning moment then want to.

But I cant see why you socialise with them. Yes, its good you communicate for the sake of childrens contact but anything more than 5 minutes chatting about the kids needs is socialising and not needed.

The poor ex. You are getting along as friends but he shouldnt have to endure criticism of his blood family. His work includes overseas travel. Cant be helped. Protect that friendship dearly.

Anyway I actually do understand how negativity can be intolerable but its easy to limit its effect. Stay away as much as you can.

You didnt marry them. You are a half cup full person, they ate half empty types.

TonyWK

[smallwolf]

Hi Isa,

I obviously don't know much about your in-laws except from your post. And topic conversations can change with age I have found.

I visit my parents each Friday, and the conversation will be half health related issues and the other half is other topics. And obviously with health issues, there will be complaining.

So when you"have" to interact with the in-laws, perhaps you could change the topic to something else?

Perhaps also consider whatever positives you can find in the situation. They sound like they are relatively close by and able to help?

Finally, and if they are genuinely complaining, and I am not saying they do don't, but ask them about it. Drop the hint it sounds like they are continually complaining and want to know help, or what is the cause.Maybe they are looking for something, and can only feel they can talk to you? Or they might be just grumpy. If the latter, then Tony's advice might be easier?

Tim

PS. On getting old, we all are, and when parents get older than they find they are unable to do all they could and that can be frustrating for them.

[GoodWitch]

Isa Jett,

It sounds like you could be talking about my life! My inlaws are soooo negative and my MIL in particular is very stuck in the past, still bitter over things that happened in her long over marriage, complains about things that happened more than 30 years ago EVERY TIME we see her. It is draining and exhausting, I totally understand.

However I am still married to my husband and I kind of have to tolerate it. I wonder if you can be firmer about limiting the time you spend with them. Surely once your ex is out of the picture, you shouldn't have to put up with his family anymore, not if it's causing you this much angst. I understand though it can be hard if they are helping with childcare or other things. Still...is it possible you can set some boundaries with them?

Just wanted to ask that and commiserate about inlaws. All the best!

GW