Struggling and sad

[Only_me]

Have been with my husband 21 yrs, married 4 yrs. He started his own transport business approx 4yrs ago. Have 2 girls together 18 & 19. Have fully supported him as a family but in 2007 he left us for another women,turned our world upside down. We managed to put that behind us but over the years he has left us, seems to be when life gets to hard, instead of talking he shuts off especially to me. Over the last 6 to 12 months alot of arguing. Im arguing because he is on the road and it is soooo lonely and depressing. Kids are old enough to do there own thing. We had a big blow up and i was going to move out but he told me to stay and we were doing so well reconncting and it all seemed fine. We went to a party and a women who is a married swinger was sitting on my husbands knee which i stayed calm, i only asked whats the go? Well when we got home he just yelled and told me to get out. Im waiting on a house but he has just shut down. He has had money troubles but im so sad and lost, am i fighting a lost cause. Its the worst feeling, i feel like im abondoning my family but i have put up with so much over 20 yrs but i have never given up on him. I know i need to go for my own health but really struggling.

[Devika]

Hi Only me,

I am very sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds as though you have been put in a position where you feel like you don't have any other choice and I am sorry you have had to experience this in your marriage. Leaving a spouse after many years is understandably a very difficult thing to do or consider.

If you are still considering making it work, perhaps marriage counselling is something you could look into if you are both open to it, which could provide some clarity?

How do your daughters feel? It is hard to bring children into this sort of thing as you don't want to put any stress on them, but since your daughters are a little older, maybe you can check how they feel about your decision to leave given the circumstances - so you can see whether they actually do feel like you are abandoning them/ your family, or whether this is just guilt you are placing on yourself.

Take some time just to breathe and try to focus on all the positives you have in your life. You will get through this, just hang in there. Warm hugs and wishes, Devika