Someone thought something I said was aimed at them

[Earth Girl]

Several years ago, I was annoyed at some people I went to school with because I didn't like the way they were treating me and I said something online about them that wasn't nice. Another woman thought it was about her and was really hurt by it. 😞 I tried to apologize twice. The first time it wasn't received well and she thought what I said was still aimed at her and I'm not sure what happened after the second time I apologized.

Have you ever had something like this happen to you and what did you do about it? I found out this woman has a Youtube channel, but I don't know if it would be wise to contact her from there and try to explain things and apologize again.

[Croix]

Dear Earth Girl~

Welcome back.

I beleive friendships - proper ones as opposed to acquaintances -are rare and to be valued.

So I guess how much trouble you want to go to to patch thngs up depends upon how much this person means to you.

I would imagine if she thought one of your remarks was about her she may be a sensitive person, and also if she did not accept your explanation straight away I'd have to wonder why not? Could it be there was some unintentional truth in your remark whch sort of hit home?

In my own cases where I have annoyed or hurt someone I've not spent that much time apologizing (though I do so briefly and sincerely) and do say the matter was not applicable -but again only do so in passing.

What I try to do is take the time to illustrate how much the friendship means to me and how unhappy I'd be at its loss. After all  explanations are logical, and these are emotional matters where logic does not hold that much sway

What do you think?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Earth Girl, yes this can happen often, but a friend accepts your apology and/or just laughs it off, whereas someone who gets upset by this happening, can you say they are your friend.

Someone who is close to you, don't you talk and discuss many issues and whether or not you both agree or perhaps disagree shouldn't decide your friendship, it's only talking about ideas.

A friend can take a banter in jest as it can easily go back and forth.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Earth Girl]

Thanks for your replies guys. 🙂 This wasn't really a friendship I guess, it was someone who followed me on a social networking site. They were very nice and supportive of me though - they liked all of my posts and they were one of my only followers because I only have about 5 at the most.

Since it was a long time ago and we weren't really close, it may not be worth saying anything else to her about it, especially since I don't know how it will go.

Another one of my followers who saw what I said kept posting things about me though, saying things such as "Some people have so, so, so many flaws" and this was even after I apologized.  So that kind of hurt. I don't know what else she wanted me to do?

[Earth Girl]

This girl I was friends with invited me to the movies with her and her guy friend. We saw their friend in the theater and their friend asked if I could hold his food while he went to the bathroom. Her guy friend told me they would see me in the theater and they both left to see the movie we were going to see together instead of waiting with me. The next day I got a message from the girl saying "sorry about yesterday, we decided to see a different movie and we weren't sure if you were coming so we just went to go see it." I misunderstood what she said and said it was okay, but now I wonder why they didn't just let me know while they were in the theater? I thought they were nice people, but I didn't think we were compatible as friends. The girl could tell this so she sent me a message a few days later saying "I'm here for you, but as far as our friendship goes, I'm taking a step back because you obviously want space" which was nice of her but I didn't know what she meant at the time and I didn't want her to think I was annoyed with her so I told her I was just going through a rough time and that maybe we could hang out later on. I remembered my sisters telling me that it's okay to unfriend people on Facebook so I unfriended the girl and her guy friend and I thought they'd be fine with it but a few days later they sent me a message asking me why I deleted them. I told the girl that I just didn't really feel a connection and she got really mad and said "after all I've done for you" and "thanks for using me" and the guy messaged me a couple days later and said "Please explain to me why you don't want to be friends with her anymore?" I didn't want to say anything, but I felt like I had to so I told him that I just couldn't open up to her much and that she kind of bullied a girl in college about her weight and then he told me that at least for now, he didn't want to be friends anymore. I blocked him and later found out that he put an angry face next to something I said in out messages that had nothing to do with any of this and the girl said something mean about me under my name on the internet.

[Croix]

Dear Earth Girl~

I'm sorry to hear you were left behind when you'd been invited to the movies, while it is possible they thought you would remain with the person whose food you were holding it was rude to assume that and disappear.

This is the sort of misunderstanding or thoughtfulness that can often be sorted out by friends face to face. Unfortunately  Facebook is a whole different world and realy does not have the same means of reconciliation and friendship but instead somehow seems to keep on making everything worse.

There are too may tools to use to express displeasure and the ones that might show being pleased have been overused to  the extent they are pretty meaningless. It can quickly spiral, as in this case, into serious ill feeling and a feud.

I doubt there is much you cna say on Facebook that will rectify matters and there may only be two options open to you

The first is to ignore the whole matter and you ex-friend and her guy from now on

The second, if you value the friendship, is to see your ex-friend face to face and see if in each others presence you can restore that friendship.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but it may require an apology from both of you to set it straight. While you may feel the injured party your blocking/unfriending  someone can be a hurtful act, and allegations of bullying is probably a bit too much too.

I hope you can work it out

Croix

[Earth Girl]

Thanks Croix, I agree that I probably shouldn't have unfriended/blocked them and that I shouldn't have said anything about the bullying either. I don't want to continue being friends with them just because I didn't think we were suited as friends, but I just didn't feel so good about everything that went down. I'll try to ignore the situation even though I still feel bad about it.

[Croix]

Dear Earth Girl~

I'm sure you actions, and theirs, will be  matter of regret for you for some time, however I think you are wise to let it go and not keep on trying.

We all have things to regret, but without them how can one learn not to keep on making the same mistakes or recognize no-win situations? Experience can be painful: -sigh 😞

Croix