Single tired lonely mum

[Marie2447]

Hi I’m a 29 yr old single mum of 3 young children. I became a single mum almost 2 years ago when I left an 11 year relationship with my children’s father. His completely absent and so is his family. I have very little and almost no support with my own family who can be very toxic. My friends are very supportive and have been apart of my healing journey. I’m currently going through a phase of feeling very alone and like I don’t know what I’m doing. My friends are all getting engaged and some are even rekindling things with their exes which will never be an option for me and I’m still very much traumatised from the emotional abuse he put me through. My friends never make me feel like I’m not included because they have their partners there but I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong anymore which is sad because these friends of mine have always been there. I’ve struggled and been diagnosed in the past with depression and anxiety and I feel very lost at the moment, I just wish I had some single mum friends who I can talk to about what I’m going through and who at least gets it. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

These feelings of no longer fitting in with friends that are in different circumstances is very common. A single male friend said to me once - "married couples dont ever invite a single guy for dinner" and its true. It seems couples invite couples etc. So it isnt you its the fact that at 29yo you've had 3 kids and now a single mum whereas your friends have a partner and often at that age nowadays, no kids yet. Unfortunately that makes you far less compatible.

But, you dont have to ditch your friends. What I would suggest is that rather than hanging out with them for long periods, reduce the time frame you enjoy their company eg only for coffee times especially when kids are at school etc. Or invite your friend around for a drink. This will enable you to keep the friendships going and will blossom again when they have kids. This ebb and flow really works as circumstances change.

Secondly, advance your search for like minded friends with same situations. Mums have groups, seek them out. Dropping off the kids at school? invite a mum back for a drink.

I wish you all the best. 

TonyWK

[Mens_Amitti]

Me and my ex went through something similar 5 years ago. I got injured at work, so I ended up not being as supportive as I should have been, and she was having some issues that I was unaware of at the time. It took nearly 4 years for both of us to get our lives back on track. 

Friends help a lot, but talking to councilors is what helped me most. Sometimes helpful criticism is needed, and friends rarely give that.

Rekindled relationships rarely workout in my experience, since they broke for a reason. 

If it's a group of couples, taking a friend is often what single people did in my group of friends. 

If you have young children, joined the P&C, being a teacher's aid, volunteering at school, or things like that, are all ways to meet both couples and single parents. 

I'm not a mum, so I can't be a mum to talk to, but I'm a single parent of a young child, and I know what it's like to have a toxic family and feel cut off from your friends. And I have a lot of time to talk since I was forced to retire.