She would invite me to hang out, leave me on read and now she's bullying me really badly?

[Earth Girl]

A long time ago, I went to this place where people with disabilities like me can hang out with each other and there were support people there. I thought the support people were really nice and one day, one of them, A, asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and S (another support worker) so we hung out and I had a great time and a few more times A and I would hang out and I told her that I was kind of a loner and she said "Aw, well, I'm your friend 🙂 ." I was so happy that I had managed to make a friend that I could be myself around and who so nice.

One day I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said sure and we organized to meet up and she canceled at the last minute because she said she had a work thing, but she also said that she was going to take me and S out for a fancy tea thing and this happened again a few times and almost every time she would say something like "I'll take you out to the special gardens" after wards  and it took me a while to realize that she probably didn't want to hang out anymore so when I finally realized, I stopped asking her if she wanted to hang out.

A long time had passed and I wrote a Facebook post saying that I had a lonely life and so my life basically was the pandemic (this was during the pandemi) and A said on my post "Let's hang out! Sunshine girl shouldn't be lonely!" so we organized a time to hang  out and on the day I asked her if it was still on and she left me on read so I was a bit confused, but I think I stopped messaging her to hang out after that because it sounded like she really didn't want to hang out even though she originally invited me to.

I asked on another forum about this and some people there said that she might be acting this way because she has depression or anxiety so I said "I'll message her on Facebook to see how she is going but I won't ask her to hang out. So I did that and she messaged me back saying "I'm doing great. I'm going to invite you and S to ...... :)" which didn't end up happening either.

And I think it was a while after that that she shared a post on Facebook saying something like "I don't like organizing outings with people too far away from the day because I don't know how I will feel on the day and I don't like organizing outings with people too close to the day because (of some other reason) where is my support team at?" which I'm pretty sure was about me but I don't know what I did wrong?

A couple years later I found out that A and Ls (another person with a disability from that place) were writing the meanest, nastiest things about me online. A was saying things like "She (me) is probably prone to anorexia because of her insecurities and she flexes her new handbag" (I don't think I'm better than anyone else just because of a handbag and just because I use my handbag, it doesn't mean I'm showing off). And Ls said I wasn't doing enough volunteering and she was talking about how she's better than me because she does so much volunteering and they were both making extremely dirty jokes about how I apparently liked A as more than a friend and talking about how we were doing things together which I actually find really disturbing that they would make jokes like that. Like, imagine if your teacher and her favorite pupil made jokes about you like that, it's kind of like that and it's just weird. Also A is in her 30s and Ls is at least in her mid 20s so they should know better. I was never even mean to either of them but they are being the worst to me.

I find it so hard to trust people now. I don't know how I wronged A but it's nothing in comparison to what she's doing to me now. I don't know how they could be so cruel especially when A seemed so nice and Ls even seemed like such an innocent person who would never be horrible to anyone.

I told my Mum about it and she doesn't even remotely care. She just seems to think they are "being silly."

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Imagine your friendships are a house. You eagerly invite all people to enter your house and take them to the loungeroom where you hang out. What happens if that person becomes toxic, unfriendly maybe talking behind your back? Well all houses have back doors, use it if you can. 

Friendships are best looked upon as fluid, in that they come and go, there are good ones and bad ones for you must read carefully and slowly. You will observe people's antics better when you observe slower.

Social media can be an issue. Many years ago I had a fellow that took a dislike to me (it turned out he was jealous my car won an award and not his) but, as I am sensitive, I got upset and went off Facebook altogether for 5 months. When I went back on I decided to use all the options available to me so since then anyone that treats me or others in an abusive manner is blocked. Blocking someone takes courage, if you do it then stick by your decision and move on, dont feel guilty and certainly dont re-introduce them to your life. Leopards dont change their spots.

Why are people cruel? Good question Earth Girl. Popularity is one reason, they feel they rise up in ego to put others down, they feel they make close friendships when they bully someone with another person. Separating these hurtful people from good nice people is a difficult thing to do but as you grow you will find it easier. But remember- if you see that person in the street, say "hi" and keep walking. To ignore them completely means you are bothered by them, dont give them that joy. If they approach you and ask you why you blocked them on SM tell them "It's my Facebook, I control who is my friend and they have to be very nice people".

TonyWK

[tranzcrybe]

In days before Social Media, people would gossip about others (who probably did exactly the same thing).
Sometimes this opportunistic point scoring is to gain favour/status, or simply to vent fears when letting someone into their personal space and what position they are to be afforded in the hierarchy - it's a 'protection' mechanism more than personal affront.

Interestingly, your sleuthing prowess has uncovered what would have hitherto been unknown to you; and while what was said does not specifically exclude you as a friend (despite not being all that flattering), the knowledge alone has created this wedge where you have taken umbrage to the point of defensiveness.
I think we all carry various thoughts and opinions of everyone we know - it's only natural to create a 'profile', but it contains truths, lies, and perceptions with a decent dose of personal bias thrown in for good measure.

I realise your past experiences make everything deeply personal, but I wonder if you might consider some self-deprecation to see the funny side of their misconceptions. If so, you may feel empowered to pity them by allowing this to slide - that would make you a good friend in return.

You are what you do, not what people say; and forging ahead with acceptance can help rewrite those murmurings to build healthier sustainable friendships.

[Earth Girl]

Thanks guys, I deleted my FB a long time ago, so I don't have to worry about blocking them. I think you are right that they are mostly doing this for popularity. At my school, it was considered "cool" to hate me and it continues to this day even though we are all 25 plus years old now. People literally get more popular for hating on me and it also helps keep themselves "protected" and they love showing off how horrible they can be to me. I'm going to be extremely careful with friendships from now on because I never know who I can trust, especially since these two people seemed like some of the most trustworthy people, but they are very different to who I thought they were.

[white knight]

Well said. It's pleasing for us to see a member grow with their learning how to deal with people and move on.

Great news

TonyWK 

[Earth Girl]

I just wanted to add that when A and Ls were talking about me, they were saying that I wanted something of a sexual nature - that's why I found what they said so awful. I would never say something like that about another woman. Ls also said that I don't deserve love and that she wanted me to die and she wasn't joking when she said that.