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She said: "I'm not responsible for your happiness"

Community Member

I told my wife I'm not happy and want more from our relationship. I even gave her examples of more things I would like to do together. When I told her she doesn't seem to care I'm not happy. She told me: "I'm not responsible for your happiness".

What do I do?

7 Replies 7

Spl spl
Community Member

Hello Will1,

Welcome to the forums, thank you for reaching out here.

Your post describes the situation, but is a little brief on details. If you are comfortable doing so, adding some more context or describing how you feel might help more people to comment with the right kind of advice.

After reading this, I just have all sorts of questions on the situation. You don't have to answer these at all if its too deep:

How did you feel after she said "I'm not responsible for your happiness"?

Are you not happy with your relationship? Or in general?

What do you want to happen?

I hope you will keep us posted, take care.

Learn to Fly
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Will1,

Thank you for sharing and reaching out on the forum.

Maybe she would listen to you more if you could try to ask her how does she feel like in your relationship? Is there anything she is missing on, or would like for the two of you to address?
How would you feel about asking her?

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Will,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being open here. It sounds difficult to go through something like that. Especially when your wife isn't listening.

Have you tried couples counselling? Sometimes it is good to get a third party perspective.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Will1,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry this has happened and that your not happy.

Do you feel like your wife has felt this way for a while?

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Will,

I’m sorry to hear about your recent relationship struggles. It can be hard when you open up only to have your feelings dismissed like that. While it’s true that it’s not another persons responsibility to make us happy in life, you are allowed to communicate your needs to a partner and have them listened to and hopefully resolved. For example, if I said to my partner that “I would like to spend more time together” I think it would be reasonable for them to agree for us to go for walks of an afternoon or something of that nature. What were t he specific things that you said you were unhappy with if you don’t mind me asking? If you give us some more insight into the relationship it can help us get a fuller picture of what’s going on so we can give better advice

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Helli Will1, if you aren't responsible for her happiness, then I wonder who provides enjoyment for her, that's a return question for you to ask her.


Community Member

Maybe your wife could have phrased it better. No other person should be solely responsible for another’s happiness even your partner. Happiness should come from within you regardless of whether you’re with her or not. Maybe that’s what she meant?

At the same time though if you’ve made suggestions to do more activities together she could take it on board to improve the relationship.